Pet Peeves, Vol. I
Posted by Sunday on May 10, 2009 at 7:39 am
- Hippie food with whole flax seeds in it. The human digestive system cannot break down a flax seed. Think of it as a sleek rock. It has that much nutritional value.
- There is a popular health-food blogger who seems like a very nice woman but who writes that every single recipe is “kissed” with a flavor. “Kissed with salt,” or maybe “Kissed with lemon.” Every time I read her posts I think about how she uses this in her daily life. “Oof, those antibiotics made me kissed with diarrhea,” or “This internet connection is kissed with failure.”
- Speaking of bloggers, it’s common in the food-blogger community to use the phrase “Need I say more?” It’ll be a photo of a package of bacon and underneath is “Need I say more?“ Well, yes, you need. Because what is your fucking point exactly? I think I’m going to start writing “This tastes good,” under images. That’s all.
- Now that I mentioned it: bacon. Bacon tastes good. LET US ALL NOW MOVE ON.
- The way that some Europeans eat a piece of cheese-toast with a knife and fork. I find myself offended by the implication that they are so cultured that they need to chip off unwieldy pieces of dry, room-temperature cheese-toast with metal utensils rather than use their fingers. Like when people eat a sandwich with a knife and fork – why did you have a sandwich in the first place? Why not order a salad and some bread?
- Recipes utilizing pureed avocado. Avocado is already smooth and creamy. I get crushing it up for easy scooping and spreading – for guacamole, for instance – but pureeing? There’s a reason adults don’t eat pureed bananas: it’s baby food. Exception: avocado milkshakes.
My contribution:
I hear this almost weekly from ‘workers’ at my account’s various biz locations (you know where I mean Sunday … and most of yer readers do too).
” Hey quag, that would be like, awesome man, if ya made yer pumpkin bread with, like, you know man, Organic WHOLE WHEAT flour!
My secret mental reply in my head screams: “FUCK YOU pseudo-hippie freak!”
May I explain to the lay-person. Pumpkin bread tastes like baby shit when made with whole wheat flour. We’ve tried … FAIL! Too heavy, too dense. So, STFU already you week-end vegan Trustfundafarian brats. Go read some more Chomsky while ya listen to the Rasta-beat, eh?
Whoa, there, Anger Burger! But it’s true. Not everything can be whole wheat. Sometimes white flour is the price you pay for something being delicious. But I love that being people’s rationale: I love this pumpkin bread because it is delicious, therefore I want it to be healthy. However, it is delicious precisely because it is not healthy. Oh, the horror of existence.
My baked goods generally suck because I will only use whole wheat (bread is fine, and most cookies). I ended up making kickass pumpkin bread last week…because I’d run out of ww flour and had to use the all-purpose I’d bought for making papier mache. I reminded myself that pumpkin bread is a Sometimes Food (and Quag: you should remind the hippies that along with white flour, pumpkin bread requires copious amounts of table sugar: it’s basically a fucking cake, not a balanced meal).
The whole flax thing cracks me up. Most people have no idea that when products declare their flaxen virtue it’s often just these little nutritionally locked-up whole seeds. They should just add wood chips, or maybe sand. I use a coffee grinder on mine just prior to mixing them into my breakfast oats. Problem solved.
I admit I buy the pre-ground stuff, which probably makes it nearly nutrition-less, but still. We love pancakes with a heap of ground flax in it, it makes them so nutty and tasty.
not as much of a food blogger thing, but just a general blogger thing that drives me up the fucking wall, is the phrase “right now i’m loving _____.” it’s on all the dumb design blogs that copy each other. “right now i’m loving purple chandeliers! right now i’m loving fine art prints. right now i’m loving blah blah blah.” mostly it bugs me because it’s like reading the same shit over and over and all i hear when i read it is the DESPERATION of 20-something white girls who are like PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO ME! LOOK AT MY OUTFITS! PAY ME TO WRITE THIS BLOG ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE’S DESIGN WORK! and i read the bejeezus out of them anyway because i like looking at pretty pictures.
also i eat these cookies with whole flax seeds and i don’t give a fuck, i like the texture. also, don’t they kind of scrape your digestive tract out when they’re whole, like eating little spatulas?
but seriously, blogger lingo pisses me off. i think i’m guilty of it sometimes, but i don’t keep track.
Ha-haaa! I love that we are both pissed off by that, and I know I’m guilty of it sometimes, but whatever. I mean, with food blogging especially it’s easy to get into a rut of culinary descriptions (“slathered with ___” for example). I know I’m being lazy when I use them and only occasionally force myself to go and try and think of something better. But yeah, there’s a real level of popularity-mongering that reminds me too much of high school (which I failed miserably at, so that explains my dislike).
Regarding the flax: there’s also a culinary theory that sharp seeds/nuts can cause diverticulitis, or an infection of the folds of the intestine. The theory is that small, hard, indigestible foods get caught in there and fester, which is a disgusting thought. Other doctors say there is no proof of it. I can tell you this: popcorn upsets my colon faster than almost any other food (#1 is Taco Bell — true story) and popcorn is considered a “high danger” diverticulitis food.
i think part of my problem is that my mother in law reads (and fucking LOVES) my food blog, and i started the food blog with another person who no longer writes for it, so i’ve just sort of maintained this ‘voice’ for the blog that isn’t really like, “me” per se- so sometimes i end up doing the cliche food blogger shit. but what can you do?
i eat whole flax seeds all the time. although unlike a lot of people these days i actually chew my food instead of just breaking it into pieces small enough to swallow. if just take the time flax seeds are just fine. also as a side effect, my jaws are strong enough to bite through a lamppost.
right now i’m loving biting through lampposts.
HaAHHHH!!!! I was scrolling your old Pet Peeves and I found this and yelled. I *hate* the overuse of the phrase “Need I Say More” on food blogs. So. So. Much. It is most overused on Tastespotting, I find. I despise what I call “blogging dipshittery” so much I’ve bitched about it on other blogs. Most recently here: http://smartdametales.tumblr.com/post/3855817051/no-you-dont