Anger Burger

Blerd, this was a super-tasty dinner last night and today I feel like I ate a bucket of lard.  I think I’m going on a low-fat diet for a few days to try and work that shit out.

Basically it’s a Southern classic, lightly fancified: shrimp and grits.  The shrimp is cooked fast in a red pepper and cream sauce, which tastes divine and despite having the fat-free delights of the shrimp is still made with heavy cream.  I should have just made a thickened milk gravy, instead.

The entire time I made the dinner I listened to my next door neighbors that live across the alley, Cerise and her mother, Mom.  I have never seen them (there is a large, robust bush that covers their kitchen window) but I hear them.  Every night.  Cerise is, I guesstimate, about 14 years old and has the lungs of an elephant.  She sings.  And loves the sound of her own voice.  And Top 40 hits, or at least about fifteen seconds of them.  She also often goes into ADD-like fits of random sound-making, and lest you think I jest, I assure you: it’s like a parrot on a cocktail of LSD and industrial-grade amphetamines.  For a long time I wondered how Mom (whom I have only ever heard referred to in drawn-out “MOOOOOOOOOOOOM!” shrieks) dealt with the relentless, cacophonous sound, but then Mom began to warble too and I realized that it was a family affair.

Anyway, they loudly discuss everything from dates to dinner, and often as not its like having a television on in the other room in that I’m oddly entranced clearly missing out on large chunks of the story.

I took my time chopping the peppers for the sauce, taking photos as I went, listening to Cerise and Mom’s back-and-forth.  It was when Mom yelled out “CERISE! You want more gravy?” that my ears perked.  Gravy.  Gravy is delicious.

Cerise entered the kitchen, preceded by a series of ultrasonic chirps and clicks.  “What kind of fish is this?” she asked.  Wait a second, fish?  Fish and gravy?  Damn, this is my kind of family.

Fatty McFatterson Shrimp and Grits
Very, very loosely adapted from A Yankee in a Southern Kitchen’s blog, so loosely that I would call it “inspired by.”

1 red bell pepper, peeled and diced small
1 yellow bell pepper, peeled and diced small
1/4 onion, diced small
1/2 C. heavy cream
1 chicken (or vegetable) small bullion cube such as Wyler’s (or 1/2 large one, such as Knorr)
black pepper to taste
2 green onions, chopped up
a few dashes of hot sauce (I’m a Frank’s Red Hot girl, myself)
1 lb. raw shrimp, peeled

grits, prepared as you see fit¹ (and I saw fit to make cheese grits – told you it was Fatty McFattersons)

• Regarding the peeling of the peppers: often, when peppers are cooked down the skins will remain tough enough to notice, particularly when blended into sauces.  With this in mind, it’s important to peel them.  It’s easier than it sounds.  First, when you’re buying the peppers, try and find ones with the flattest sides and shallowest lobe indents.  Then, before you peel them cut the peppers into thirds (or fourths, depending on how many “lobes” there are on the pepper), cutting on the indents along the side.  Then, using a vegetable peeler, peel the small panels of pepper you’ve made yourself.  You don’t have to get every last bit, and it goes pretty quickly once you have a good idea of what you’re doing.
• In a little olive oil, quickly saute the onion and peppers over medium-high heat until just softened.  Set half aside.
• Add the whipping cream and bullion cube and lower heat to medium-low.  Let simmer down for a few minutes to knock out a little of the water.
• Transfer the cream and peppers to a blender (or a deep dish and hit with an immersion blender) and blend until smooth.  Return to pan and re-introduce the peppers you set aside.
• Start cooking your grits.
• Meanwhile, add the shrimp and 1/2 of the chopped green onions.  Keep an eye on it, stirring to allow the shrimp to evenly cook, while you make your grits.  Add the black pepper and the hot sauce to taste.
• Everything should finish up at about the same time.  Serve the shrimp and sauce over the grits and top with remaining chopped green onion.

¹ Also: Yankee up there scolds the usage of quick grits (”don’t even think about [it]“) to which I say: phhhfft. I know no Southerner that denounces the delights of the quick grit.