Anger Burger

The thing about putting your two weeks’ notice into work is that at first you’re all, yeah, take that, the man! And then you realize you have another two weeks to work.

I also mistakenly believed that my notice would signal a sudden and suspicious decline in available hours, as has happened with previous employment engagements.  Basically, once they realize you’re not going to be around, they stop putting in the effort in keeping you around.  Jokes on me!  The current job has decided to work me as much as they legally can.

This and the 90+ daily temps has meant that my kitchen time is limited.  But!  Guess whose kitchen is staying clean for a record run?  This guy!  I mean lady!  Well, gal.

A few days ago I remembered that for months now I’ve wanted to make my own gravlaks¹ and what should I find at the local market but cheap salmon.

Okay, confession time.  It was cheap.  By which I hope you read totally fucking ghetto.  As in, I should probably scoffed at even paying the $3.50 a pound that I did pay.  Because frankly, at that price I was doing them a favor.  This salmon was in fillets so thin it was like long salmon pancake, and had a mysteriously greyish tone to it.  Or rather, just not the ruby red we’ve come to expect (which is fake half the time anyway, but still).  The thing is, I’m from the Pacific Northwest and I know chum salmon when I see it.  The label claimed it was “silver salmon” which is slang for Coho, but no one trying to sell it calls it “silver” — the name Coho means quality and attracts buyers.  Chum salmon, on the other fin, is so low quality that fishermen can’t sell it.  Or they can.  For about $3.50 a pound.

Anyway, who cares.  I bought a pound of silver chum salmon and made gravlaks.

Mmm, pumpernickel.

And, well.  It turned out how you’d imagine $3.50/lb. salmon might turn out.  The flavor was fine, though not exceptional, the meat itself sticky and mushy.  I wouldn’t serve it to guests, but it does the job.  And I feel pretty confident that the next gravlaks I make will be delightful.

It’s a very, very simple effort to make.  You don’t need to make much, you can make a single serving for all anyone cares.  The idea is just

• 2 parts sugar
• 1 part salt
• some pepper
• maybe some fresh dill

That’s it for the recipe.  A pound of salmon requires about:

1/2 C. sugar
1/4 C. salt
some pepper
maybe some fresh dill

And you cover the fish in the sugar and salt all mixed together, tightly wrap it in plastic wrap, put in a dish deep enough to catch the inevitable juices and let sit for at least 24 hours (two or three days is even better).  There’s some argument as to whether the fish needs to be weighed down with something, and I’m lazy so I say ‘meh.’  You can.  Or not.  I’d recommend turning the fish at least twice a day, just to participate in the curing process on some level.

When it’s done, the flesh will be quite firm.  It needs to be rinsed clean and patted dry before slicing, and it should only be eaten for about two or three days.  And any naysayers who bunch their panties over parasites: A) commercial freezers kill the parasites and 99% of the salmon you’ll buy has been frozen (bets are off for dockside/streetside fishsmongers), B) the parasites are visible, which means that you’ll see actual maggots in the fish and C) the parasites are killed by the human digestive tract.  Relax.  You’re an animal.  You evolved to eat this stuff.  You’ll be okay.

¹Yes, the spelling is correct – with a Norwegian in the house, it gets the Norwegian spelling.