Posted by Sunday on Jul 4, 2009 at 10:45 am in Pet Peeves
- This isn’t so much a pet peeve as a relaxation of a pet peeve: now that Independence Day is over I don’t have to wade through so many stupid strawberry and blueberry recipes.
- On the subject: Wouldn’t all the bloggers and 4th of July bakers just lose their minds if science invented a second blue-tinged fruit? Only a very few of us could survive the riots.
- This could be just me and just Hollywood, but if you just came from the gym – not just a little yoga sesh, but an actual, purging gym workout – change your damn clothes before you go shopping at the grocery store. I don’t want to stand next to you anyway, but in a place of food worship? It’s fucking disgusting that you’re picking out bananas when your shirt is dripping liquid that just excreted from your body. This reminds me of when I worked at a cafe and a group of cyclists would come in every Sunday morning after having pedaled something like 20 miles, and they’d all peel damp bills from a wad they’d shoved into their spandex and try to hand it to us. I’m sorry, sweat might be clear, but it’s body juice. It’s no different than saliva or pee or any of the other fun ones as far as I’m concerned. Which means that when you’re standing in Trader Joe’s, head-bopping to your iPod tunes while your soaked tank top leaks next to the fresh hummus, all I can see is a giant pile of urine walking around.
- Margarine haters. Some margarine is terrible, yes, but some of it is pretty good and it actually has benefits not found in butter, such as softness when cold. Is it a class issue?
- Okay, I’ll admit it: I kind of don’t get BBQ. I mean, it’s an alternate method of heating food. I get the outdoors part, but I don’t get the hysteria. I keep reading this “I can’t wait to BBQ!” or “Thank goodness it’s BBQ season!” and “Please Lord God, let me BBQ today or I will kill a single human being every minute until I can!” Hey, buddy, take it easy. Here’s a frying pan and a gas range. Relax.
July 4th, 2009 |
Pet Peeves
ohh, you were just cranky yestarday morning.
Hell, she’s been cranky ever since she got popped by the L.A. PoPo for her year-old out-of-state plates.
Oh, God, the spandex brigade and their crotch dollars. They always stored their money in small, secret zippered pouches that seemed to be located in the general crotch-area of their spandex shorts, and yes, they were always damp (except for the ones from guys who thought to put their bills in ziploc snack bags beforehand; thanks, man).
firstly, BAW HAW HAW. allow me to address your points in order:
1. that shit is why i stopped watching tastespotting- nothing more fucking irritating than 20 different photos of fucking insalata caprese with the words, “summer on a plate!” written under them. SHUT THE FUCK UP, IT IS TOMATOES ON A PLATE.
2. i work in a cafe and there are so many ‘active’ folk that show up all sweaty and gross, and frankly i don’t mind taking their wadded up bills but i can’t wrap my head around what would possess a person to run 5 miles straight and then go directly to a cafe and order a HOT GLASS OF MILK WITH A TINY BIT OF COFFEE IN IT. fuck you and your latte, you freak!! who the fuck drinks a latte after a fucking workout!? DRINK WATER, DUMBSHIT!
3. margarine is gross and it will give you cancer, but it does make superior grilled cheese sandwiches because yes, you can spread it when it’s cold without decimating your bread.
4. dude when people talk about how much they can’t wait to bbq, what they really mean is they can’t wait to sit in the backyard and drink beer at 2 o’clock, DUHHHHHHHHH.
I’m going to be disappointed if we don’t know the difference ‘BBQ’ and ‘Grilling’ ’round here. Most people don’t, but really? You can’t smoke a beef brisket with a frying pan.
Prepare to be disappointed! I don’t really BBQ or grill, so I just don’t have any idea of what I’m talking about. That’s why I’ve made friends with you!
Smoking, smoking I get. My grandpa cold-smokes salmon that I would literally punch a baby for. I suppose I’d better ask him to tell me how he does it next time I see him.