Anger Burger

I’ve been busy packing and sorting and cleaning for the upcoming secret, for which I feel compelled to give a large hint: it’s more travel.  The downside is that we’ve been on an all-sandwich-all-the-time diet lately and it’s starting to wear on both of us.  Combined with the classic Los Angeles summer (read: late) I suspect we’ve got a few more days of it.  I want to cook, I really do, but the last few times I’ve been in the kitchen I’ve crawled back out again.

This ham sandwich would have been delightful if the bread weren’t disgusting.  Is it just me, or is all storebought sandwich bread totally fucking wrong?  I’ve tried the expensive stuff (Pepperidge Farm — dry and fragile) and the cheap shit (pita bread – dry and fragile) and everything in between.  About the only thing that works are croissants, and I just can’t eat a sandwich made out of butter in this heat.  The above bread, Orowheat Buttermilk, was so gummy that we were scraping bread dough from our teeth the entire time we ate.

The upside is the discovery that Trader Joe’s Cilantro & Chive Yogurt Dip (in the cold case with the hummus and fresh salsa) makes a fantastic sandwich spread.  I can’t taste any cilantro in it, so it tastes like a cleaner, fresher version of garlic-n-chive cream cheese and went wonderful with ham and butter lettuce.  It reminds me of a revelation I had when I was a kid.  A good friend of mine, Jessica, was making turkey sandwiches for us when she asked if I wanted ranch on mine.  Ranch?  Ranch what?  I thought we were having sandwiches.  I watched as she spread a thick layer of ranch dressing on the bread before stacking the turkey and lettuce and thought, this is madness! Of course, it’s totally normal and every Subway in America sells a turkey and ranch sub, but at the time it was like someone had pulled a feather out of their ear and asked if I wanted a backrub.  I’m confused and attracted.  In the 20 years since then I’ve noticed any number of salad dressings that work better as a sandwich spread, like my personal favorite, Litehouse Honey Mustard.  Goes with everything.  Trust.

Something I want to get off my chest: I realize that, from this blog, it appears we don’t have jobs and we buy new electronics and take expensive trips all the time.  Which is sort of true.  The thing is, it is not our choice not to be working and it terrifies us both knowing that we’ll be dead broke sooner rather than later.  We don’t have any major financial obligations other than rent, so in that we are very lucky.  No car payments.  No kids.  No pets, even.  The upcoming secret trip was arranged before we’d both lost our jobs, and even then at such an inconceivable discount (thanks again, Oliver!) that I’m still suspicious we’ll be riding in the cargo bay.  Nevertheless, there is a pall over the Anger Burger household.  We’re worried.  A little, and on the backburger  (<– REAL TYPO!), but its there.  This is our last hurrah.  Maybe.  Welcome to the recession.