Anger Burger

As a quick check-in with my Crohnie Homies (haaaaay) I wanted to write a note on traveling with Crohn’s disease.

To bring everyone up to speed, Crohn’s disease has a lot of potential problems, one of which is the effect of stress on a diseased intestine.  And guess what!  It totally makes you have diarrhea.  There’s no fancy way to put it.  It’s physically painful, it’s exhausting and all the stress of travel is amplified by needing access to a restroom.  Imagine trying to stand in line for customs waiting for a critical connecting flight when you have to stop what you’re doing, get out of line and drag everything to the toilet.  Happy Vacation!

Much of the time I’ve adopted a “Well, whatever,” attitude.  It sounds very esoteric, but it’s true: even though I am a world-class worrier, there are certain things that I’ve learned to accept the hard way, such as:  I have to use the rest room when I have to.  The alternative is shitting myself in public — and this is just the dramatic side.  The less dramatic side is that when I am in the midst of a Crohn’s attack, I can think of little else.  My brain shuts down.  No amount of caffeine will bring it around to alertness.  The pain is workable but very, very insistent; I can think of little else to compare it to.  Rather like a very loud, cacophonous noise in the background, where you have spats of concentration, yes, yes, you nod while someone is speaking to you, but then it all piledrives up again and you’re lost in sensation.  Sometimes I think my trips to the bathroom are as much to reorder my brain as to void my bowels¹.

A Crohnie of mine remarked that I was very brave to travel with Crohn’s disease and I felt oddly deflated, like I’d been caught in a lie.  I’m not brave while I’m doing it.  I’m wondering what the hell is the matter with me to keep doing this to myself, but like so many things, after it gets better I just forget it was bad.  Even feeling like I was going to die at the top of Mauna Kea (I’ll tell you that story another time) has become a comedic interlude.  The secret ingredient here is humor.   You can plan ahead and fret all you want, but if you take it all too seriously it is doomed before it has started.  And believe me, I know you can’t just tell someone to not take it all too seriously.  But you can keep reminding yourself that this is the way its going to be, and you’re powerless to it.  Surrender.  Stop fighting.  And all of a sudden it begins to seem rather absurd, and absurdity is the gateway to all kinds of greatness.

On a practical level, you probably already know what to do, but it’s nice to have a reminder.

• Try and plan ahead as much as you can.  Better to have long layovers in airports than short ones (in particular pay attention to international flights that try and book a subsequent domestic transfer with almost no layover — reschedule that bitch!).

• Bring babywipes with you, they make everything a little easier.

• Go to the lavatory on the airplane even if you don’t have to go (I’m always surprised at how well-trained my body is).

• Bring snacks with you.  This is critical, for people with Crohn’s and those without.  If you’re like me then you find yourself at the airport offended that they’re charging $8 for a whole-grain bagel you can’t even eat.  Luckily you brought individually wrapped cheese slices!  Go you!

• If you haven’t already talked to your doctor about self-dosing with prednisone to get yourself out of a sticky situation, do so NOW.  Twice in my life this self-dosing has saved my ass (literally!  ha!) from a hospitalization, but prednisone is a potentially dangerous medication and only you and your doctor can make this arrangement together (just remember, no matter what you do: taper down).

• Don’t be above taking an anti-anxiety medication.  If flying is so nerve-wracking to you that it triggers an attack, for Buddha’s sake, take something ahead of time.

• If it makes you feel better, prepare for a worst-case scenario.  It’s odd how much this helps for all kinds of things.  Is pooing your pants the worst thing that can happen?  Pack a clean pair of underpants and a small, light crinkle skirt (I don’t know what to tell you, boys) in your handbag and at the very least you’ll be able to change out of your clothes and appear normal again quickly.

• Exhaustion will be an issue, so try and plan accordingly.  Do not schedule anything for your first day.  Do not.  DON’T.  And I mean your whole first day, not just the travel day.  The first whole day is just for drinking hot beverages and taking short walks around wherever you are.  THAT IS IT.  Trust me on this one.

Anyone else want to add anything?  I know there are a fair amount of readers finding this website by Googling Crohn’s questions – any of you want to weigh in?

¹ I apologize for writing “void my bowels” in a food blog, but you should have seen it coming.