Cheese and Corn Casserole
I can imagine this day. Very few of us survive the attacks – at first, it’s exciting, like the movies. The zombies aren’t the fast ones, but they don’t amble, either. The only people getting eaten or turned are the lame and uneducated. Anyone with the ability to nail boards over their windows and use a shotgun survives. But after a couple of years when there’s still no way to stop them and hotspots flare up over and over and over again, and what starts out as a couple-year vacation from work involving zombies turns into a decade where sloppiness and exhaustion rule and one day you finally, really understand that the military isn’t coming to save you and the internet isn’t coming back and what is left on the shelves in the store is what you’re going to have to eat, at least until that too runs out.
You don’t say anything to your partner. He’s not your partner from when the zombies first came – that one was turned years ago and can still be seen wandering the neighborhood sans an arm and a jaw – but he was available and had a large collection of shotguns and that was pretty appealing. Anyway, you don’t say anything to your partner about how this is it, this is the end of humanity. You’ll save it for later. Some other day. When you think of a nice way to word it. You make the best dinner you possibly can from what you have available and when you put it in front of him he pauses. Looks at you. He knows.
This is the end.
Cheese and Corn Casserole
4oz. egg noodles
1 can Spam
2 Tbsp. oil
3 Tbsp. dried minced onion
1/4 tsp. garlic powder
1 tsp. mustard powder
1 can of corn (don’t discard liquid)
1 8oz jar Cheez Whiz
1 small can undiluted evaporated milk
1 8oz can tomato sauce
1 small jar diced pimentos
- Heat your outdoor oven pit to hot.
- Cook the noodles and spread over bottom of a baking dish.
- Cut the Spam into small pieces and fry in the oil until crispy and maybe a little burned.
- In the saucepan, add the onion, garlic, mustard, corn (with liquid), Cheez Whiz, evaporated milk and tomato sauce and pimento. Stir until combined. Spread over the pan of noodles.
- Place into oven pit until the afternoon hunting party returns.
- Serve with cornbread made from a mix, of course, because where would you get fresh ingredients from.
the grimness of this future day weighs heavily upon my mind now. ;_;
Oh man, I feel a new blog brewing:
Recipes from the Zombie Apocalypse.
I’m serious.
Leesa, actually my husband has a website like that in the works. For serious.
Hmm. I’d be horrified … if many of my mom’s hand-me-down recipes didn’t very closely resemble this. At least she used prepared mustard. Cheese and corn are wondering what they did to deserve this.
I literally flinched when I started reading the list of ingredients. This moment is the one you have those two bullets set aside for.
@ Leesa: This is an amazing idea.
And, Sunday, this post is just another in a long line that reminds me why this is my absolute favorite place on the interweb.
I’ve read your intro to this recipe at least six times now … because I like it so damn much and think it’s your best short-story ever.
Also, a very subtle segue into The Doors song of the same name begins to play when I reach the last line.
Alright Leesa and Carrie Anne — here’s the thing. Anthony better actually be making a zombie apocalypse cooking blog, because someone has to do it, whether it’s me or anyone. SERIOUSNESS ALL AROUND.
Thanks to Henry and Quag for enjoying this so much; I love it when I write something with almost no editing in like 10 minutes and it’s perfect. Most days I’m writing for hours and the end result is forgettable and riddled with grammatical errors. I mean, this one is full of grammatical errors too, but whatever.
I love you and your blog, this is what makes blogs interesting for people that don’t know you personally.
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