Anger Burger

Thai people, avert your eyes.  It’s going to get ugly over here.

Thai food is kind of an obsession.  For other people I mean, not for me.   It’s the strangest thing; I love coconut milk, basil, lemongrass, seafood.  Tom kha kai is my all-time favorite soup, the sourer the better.   I adore a good curry.  I’d eat almost anything served with rice.  But I rarely if ever search out “good Thai” as all my friends call it.  It’s the heat.  The mouth-blistering, weeping, projectile shitting spice.  I like it in theory, but for someone with Crohn’s disease it’s like a Type 1 diabetic winning Wonka’s golden ticket — fucking awesome, thanks.  Please remember to put some flowers on my headstone.

I assume you’re asking me now: why not make it without the heat?  To which I am answering: listen, smarty, would I be sitting around on a Saturday morning blogging about dinner if I were as clever as you?  Feel free to answer that in the comments.

It’s happening, slowly.  A long while back I made a green curry from scratch that didn’t have any heat in it and it was great, though I didn’t own a Cuisinart at the time and had to grind everything into paste by hand.  By hand! Like a goddamn native!  Of some country other than America!

And I also learned to make basil chicken, a meal that’s become a solid staple around the Anger Burger compound.  I find myself making it when I don’t really want to cook, if that helps you visualize how easy it is.  And it’s cheap, if you live near a Trader Joe’s or Asian market, less cheap if you don’t.  Bitch needs a lot of basil.  Just a warning.

Thai Basil Chicken, Sans Punch
this works with any ground meat, and I find that the Empire ground turkey from my local Trader Joe’s is our favorite, though ground chicken is a little easier to find.  you could use pork, but drain off the fat after frying but before adding the seasonings.  also, once I mistakenly bought the 99% fat free chicken and it cooked up into a squeaky, dry, inedible powder.  it was profoundly depressing.  also: this is way more authentic if made with Thai holy basil, but whatever.

3 Tbsp. cooking oil
5 -10 cloves garlic, finely chopped
1/4 onion, finely chopped
1 lb. ground chicken or turkey
2 lime leaves, very finely chopped
2 Tbsp. soy sauce
2 – 4 Tbsp. brown sugar
2 Tbsp. fish sauce
4 oz fresh basil, chopped into roughly small bits

• Make some rice.  Have all ingredients chopped and prepped and ready to go, because it comes together really fast.

• Heat a frying pan to pretty high, add the oil and quickly saute the onion and garlic.  Don’t let them brown.  Add the meat by roughly crumbling it into the hot oil and then over high heat, continue to quickly break apart the cooking bits as they go.  With ground chicken and turkey, it’s important not to let it overcook.

• When the pinkness is mostly gone, add the lime leaf, soy sauce, brown sugar and fish sauce.  It should be salty enough, but it may not be sweet enough.  Adjust to taste.

• When the meat is cooked through, no more than 2 or 3 minutes longer, add the basil, stir through, and remove from heat.

• Serve over steamed rice.

And the true test of a lazy meal: the leftovers are awesome, especially when scrambled into some eggs.  And the dog “accidentally” got some and then acted like she’d discovered fire.  So, everyone’s happy.