Anger Burger

It’s a story for another time, but I’d been postponing trying one of the most talked-about hamburgers in Los Angeles for over a year, mostly because I abhor a fancified burger.  I believe they should be sloppy, fast and evil and there’s no way a $10 burger can achieve that.  So the short version is: I was totally wrong.  Our meal was spectacular and worth every penny, but on the way out the door I spied something that jogged a long-submerged memory: Cake Monkey.

Two years ago my mom read an article about an L.A. bakery with an exceptional product, and after some searching I discovered the disappointment I imagine everyone does: they don’t have a storefront.  You are at the mercy of a few local restaurants to get what limited treats you can, a development I didn’t like at all.  And so I forgot about it.

Until just this moment.  I know I’ve read about these since then, Cake Monkey’s cheeky riff on the Ding Dong, their cakewich.  I was mesmerized and despite a distended abdomen heavy with beef and fryer grease (I thought you’d like that visual) I lurched for the wrapped foil like a zombie for a brain.  I handed over the $3.50 with panicked hands.

My specimen was a little worse for the wear, but it was a warm day and this is what we should expect from a product not sold from it’s place-of-origin.  Still, it was satisfyingly solid and fully enrobed in chocolate, which I guess surprised me a little.  I thought at least the bottom would be bare cake.

Wait, what’s this?  I hesitate.  First, the most obvious point: what a gorgeous thing.  The chocolate coating is pristine, perfectly even all the way around and not too thick.  I’m truly impressed.  But there’s a second issue here, and that is peanut butter.  This is not a Ding Dong.  Peanut butter?  I looked carefully at the top sticker for an explanation but could find nothing.  Peanut butter?  Ah yes, wait, on a small ingredient sticker on the bottom: peanuts.  And yellow cake?   I hopped over to their website and confirmed it: “Peanut Butter and Marshmallow Cakewich”, not the “Black and White Cakewich” of my expectations.  I admit I’m a little disappointed – despite all my nut butter ramblings the past few days here at Anger Burger, I’m not a huge fan of peanut butter baked goods.  I like just peanut butter, not peanut butter frosting.  Still, the cakewich is such a looker and it smells pretty good…

I should not be surprised, but the flavor and texture is amazing.  The cake is as I would hope for being totally sealed in chocolate: soft and moist with a pleasingly mild flavor.  The peanut butter buttercream is peanutty without being cloying and the marshmallow is lovely but sadly takes a backseat.  More would have been appreciated, though I’m not sure the physics of the cakes’ construction would have allowed for it.  And the chocolate!  Again, I marvel at what a perfectly applied perfect quantity it is.  All of a sudden I understand how to write like Stephanie Meyer.

While I’m still a little alarmed at the surprise peanut butter (What if I’d had an allergy and just bit into it?  Sure there was an ingredient list on the bottom, but the wait staff at the burger joint just called it a “Gourmet Ding Dong”)  (Okay, agreed: hopefully if I really had a peanut allergy I’d be smart enough to check the damn labels at first, but I think we can all agree I’m lucky to not have said allergy.)  I am more incensed over the issue that these ladies still don’t have a storefront.  Their online menu has me ripping my hair out.  What do we have to do to get our Passion Fruit Brown Butter Bars, Cake Monkey Moguls and Apple Crumble Cakes without minimum orders?  YOU’RE KILLING ME.