Anger Burger

Goodness, it’s been a while since Great-Grandma Charlotte had a say here, eh?  She’s not normally such a wallflower.

Here’s a question every foodie should ask themselves: why not make a pizza quiche?  Can’t think of any reason why not to, can you?  Let’s ignore for a moment that the Feast-a-Pie isn’t a “new version” of pizza as much as a crass mockery and instead put our minds towards giving the thing a chance.  Quiche is delicious and rich.  Pizza is delicious and rich.  Quiche has cheese in it.  Pizza has cheese in it.  Uh.  Pepperoni is good.

I can’t say 100% no to the idea.  I can say that a mere 1/4 cup of milk to 4 eggs is going to make a very eggy, very solid product, which I can’t get behind.  I’d drop the eggs to maybe 2 at most, swap out the milk for some cream and increase the volume to about a full cup.  I even like the idea of serving it with tomato sauce — imagine a gravy boat of warm, herby tomato sauce passed around to pour over your heap of cheesy, creamy pepperoni bits.  Not horrific?  I honestly can’t tell if I’ve lost all sense of perspective here.

Feast-o-Pie

crust:
1 cup sifted flour
1/3 cup lard (or 1/3 cup plus 1 Tbsp. vegetable shortening)
1/2 tsp. salt
2 Tbsp. water

filling:
4 eggs
1/4 cup milk
1/2 cup moist (!) diced salami
1/2 cup diced pepperoni
8oz grated mozzarella cheese
1/4 tsp. ground pepper
1/2 tsp. dry basil
1/2 tsp. dry oregano

• To make the crust, cut the lard into the flour with a pastry cutter until there are pieces no larger than a lentil.  Add salt.  Sprinkle over the water, stir with a fork and press together into a patty.  On a floured work surface, roll out slightly larger than a pie pan, and place into pie.  Crimp edges so they’re fancy.

• Heat oven to a screaming 425°.

• For the filling, beat the eggs and milk together in a large bowl and then stir in everything else.  Pour into the pie shell.

• Bake for 35-40 minutes, which will almost certainly result in a nearly carbonized pie.  Serve with tomato sauce if desired.