Oh Shut Up
Like you never bought a box of sugar cereal before.
When I was little we weren’t allowed sugar cereal, and we lived with my grandpa, who was allowed. Wrap your mind around this. Our boxes of Shredded Compost sitting next to his boxes of Frosted Flakes. For my 5th birthday I was allowed a sugar cereal of my choosing¹, a memory that remains in my mind as the definition of perfect happiness. So basically: deny your kids a $2 luxury and then occasionally “splurge” and your poor little waif babies will think you are a god.
I have a not-exactly guilty pleasure of cake-flavored things that aren’t cakes. So, cake batter icecream? Yes. Cake batter jellybeans? Good in theory, bad in practice². Which leads me to the obvious mitigating factor that the flavor has to be good, and there are some bad artificially-cake-flavored items out there — mostly when just so mild that the primary flavor is merely vanillin, but also the rare coconut end of the spectrum, which is just weird.
Post’s Cupcake Pebbles are excellent. A true milky, vanilla, egg-yolky cake-batter flavor, and plenty strong. Of course, it’s made with like triple-hydrogenated oils, baby seal fat, BPAs and mercury, but shit, dog. Sometimes a girl needs a giant bowl of cupcake-flavored cereal for dinner.
¹ I chose Smurf-Berry Crunch.
² They taste like coconut.
It looks like Pebbles and Bam Bam are just straightshitting these things out on some albino-technicolor dreamcoat-dookie tip.
I was only allowed cereal from the bottom shelf. Generic and noo sugar. Now every camping trip requires fruit loops or cinnamon toast crunch. Damn, cinnamon toast crunch with chocolate milk is so tasty!
I like Count Chocula not that sissy pink crap.
You’re a hard woman to keep up with but I found you again. Meanwhile, parents owned a health food store while I was growing up so, well, you can all imagine. And as a consequence I had a long affair with sugared cereals once I was on my own. Favorite: Fruit Loops. Closely followed by Peanut Butter Crunch.
I said aloud (in my head) OH NO THE HELL FUCK YOU DIDN’T.
But you did.
And I appreciate you for it.
oh, also? There’s a cake-batter-flavored Muscle Milk protein shake at my gym. I have not dared the $5 splurge in case I can’t gullet the whole 20oz. but one day I will. Or maybe I’ll just send it to you.
My folks divorced when I was 6, and at mom’s house it was Grape-Nuts, no sugar added applesauce and fat-free everything (this was the 80s), and at dad’s it was Fruity Pebbles, Planters Cheez Balls, and all the Coca-Cola we could drink. It was…not good.
And do children even know who the Flintstones are anymore??
I feel I should pat your shoulder in a “poor thing” sort of way when you hear something like that. Fruity Pebbles was my ultimate cereal choice as a kid, I would go through box after box of the stuff! Eating it by the bowl with milk leaving that yummy pink cereal milk to slurp up, by the handful dry leaving my hands a multi-colored mess, and smothering my vanilla ice cream in a mix of awesomeness. Seeing this cupcake stuff I might have to pick up a bottle of Lactaid and a box of that! (Stupid stomach, only one in my family that developed lactose intolerance when I wasn’t forced to drink milk everyday in school…)
I found your blog when I was looking up some random thing about pie pans… I find you so wonderful. I love to cook and I appreciate realistic cooking blogs with colorful language AKA Angry Burger. So, thank you for that.