Anger Burger

It started with a trip to the new Los Angeles Magnolia Bakery.

I read stuff, so I’ve been aware of the Magnolia Bakery for a while.  If you’re not, quickly: they’re in New York and they are widely credited with kicking off the American trend of cupcakeries in the last 5 or 10 years or whatever.  Carrie Bradshaw eats one in an early television episode of Sex and the City, if that gives you any idea of how this all came to pass.  But I’m not here to talk about Ms. Bradshaw and her independence-representing cupcake¹.  I’m here to talk about banana pudding.

So, I kept hearing “Skip the cupcake and get the banana pudding.”  But I’d also heard they gave out samples, so when I got there I asked for one.  And was told “It would be a while,” the reason for which I’m still not clear.  They did, however, have pints available for purchase in the cold case.  Since I was walking home and had errands to do, I skipped it altogether.

Later, online,  I noticed another angry comment (I can’t find the actual one, but here’s a pretty solid paraphrase):

“I liked the banana pudding until I found out it was made from INSTANT PUDDING!!!1!  This makes me so angry!  I can just make it at home!”

To which Mike had the best retort of all: “You can also make cupcakes at home, moron.”  Curious of this instant pudding business, I Googled the recipe and lo!  They are right.  It is a lightly complicated preparation of instant pudding.  And the wrath this fact incurs is both startling and delightful.  So many angry ladies!

But really, the reason you don’t make it at home is the same reason you’d buy a single cupcake from Magnolia: this recipe makes 7 quarts.  Even with my one advised correction, this makes far too much banana pudding for a home cook to consume.  This is party food.

The correction I advise is to reduce the heavy cream from 3 liquid cups to 2.  So basically, reduce the whipped cream volume by one third.  While the appeal of this pudding is that it is more of a “banana cream” than a “banana pudding,” I still felt like the whole thing was a tad bit too whippy.

Everything gets layered, though it didn’t really occur to me until later that the layering is entirely unnecessary.  You can’t see the layers from the exterior of the bowl,  and all you’re trying to do is ensure that every piece of banana and every vanilla wafer is covered.

But layering has a methodical quality that I like anyway.

It’s such an old-fashioned recipe that it begs for an old-fashioned presentation.  I highly recommend the dreaded maraschino cherry.  I mean, it’s a giant keg of whipped cream and Nilla Wafers.  You can’t pretend to have scruples now.

Magnolia Bakery’s Banana Pudding
the original recipe also says to serve between 4 and 8 hours after assembly, to which I offer some more specific notes: after 4 hours, the wafers will still be lightly crunchy in the middles.  if this is what you want, then great.  around 6 hours is where I think it is optimal, but even more than 8 hours resulted in distinct, non-soggy cookie bits.  I have no idea what it does after that, because there wasn’t any left.  lastly, there’s all this emphasis on brand names — Jell-O pudding and Nabisco Nilla Wafers — which you can probably totally disregard.  like, maybe you can tell the difference between Nabisco vanilla wafers and generic ones when they’re plain, but after they’re in a big tub of whipped cream?  i doubt it.

pudding base:
1 (14oz) can sweetened condensed milk
1 1/2 cups cold water (I reduced this to 1 cup for stronger pudding flavor)
1 small (3.4oz) packet instant vanilla pudding

next day:
3 cups heavy cream (I’d use just 2 next time — that’s one pint)
1 (12oz) box vanilla wafers
4 – 6 large ripe bananas

• The night before serving, in a smallish bowl (that can hold 3 cups) mix together the pudding base by adding the instant pudding first to the sweetened condensed milk, and then whisking the water slowly into the resulting sludge.  Cover and refrigerate until the next day.

• Ideally 6 hours before serving, whip the cream into stiff peaks (this is aided greatly by having a very cold bowl and very cold beaters, if you can).  Set aside.

• In a third bowl, dump the pudding mix out and give it plenty of good stirs to get it all loosened up.  Add one large spatula-full of whipped cream to the pudding mix and fold it in until mostly but not entirely incorporated.  Then add about 1/3 of the remaining whipped cream, again folding in until mostly but not entirely incorporated.  Repeat with remaining 2/3 until you have a giant bowl of pudding-tinted whipped cream.

• Cut the bananas into slices and reserve about a cup of Nilla Wafers to crush and use as a topping.

• In yet another bowl, this one capable of holding about 7 quarts or so, begin layering the pudding cream with bananas and Nilla wafers.  Top with crushed wafers, cover, and refridgerate undisturbed for about 6 hours.

• Just before serving, decorate with something kitschy like sliced maraschino cherries or canned mandarin orange slices.  Set out to serve with a giant spoon and stand back so you don’t get splattered when your family rushes up and disembowels the pudding.

¹Okay, maybe I am a little.  As with any disproportionately popular food item, Magnolia’s cupcake buzz seems to consist of 50% die-hard fans and 50% haters.  Or maybe 49% haters with the remaining 1% being people like me who think their product is fine and everything, just too overpriced for everyday cupcaking.  I expected a block-long line at Magnolia two weeks ago when I visited, but I just walked right in, ordered a vanilla cupcake, paid for it and left in under 5 minutes.  I ate it while walking home.  It was what I would solidly classify as a “good, homemade cupcake.”  As in, they are small — the size of standard cupcake liners — and they taste like butter.  There are lots of complaints online about dryness, which I have to bitchily correct: the cake is finely textured and very delicate, which an inexperienced cake eater might mistake as dryness.  The frosting was too sweet for me (and in fact tasted so strongly of powdered sugar I was sort of startled off it for a moment), and the final bill of $2.75 would make me grumble even at a bake sale.  However!  If you want a single cupcake?  They’re great.  They’re fine.  Maybe my low expectations saved them on this one.