Anger Burger

The Greatest Chocolate Cookies Ever

Posted by Sunday on Oct 8, 2010 at 8:35 am

It’s quite a claim, but I’m standing by it.

I’ve mentioned Maida Heatter on Anger Burger before, and this won’t be the last time either.  In fact, this cookie recipe is only slightly different from the last one, but somehow flavorwise is its own magnificent animal.  Everyone, meet the Chocolate Scotch.  Chocolate Scotch, meet everyone.

Much of the joy of the Chocolate Scotch is that it’s stupidly easy.  If I scared you on the checkerboards, you’ll breathe a sigh of relief that this: everything goes into either a food processor or a stand mixer.  If you don’t have either, cut everything together like you would a pie dough, and then at some point take over with your hands.  Also, fair warning: butter.

Anyway, after quite a few pulses, the dough forms into a smooth and non-sticky brown clay.  It is both forgiving and companionable, if a dough can be said to be such a thing.  It is easy to roll (especially between two sheets of plastic wrap) and loves being cut with cookie cutters.

I tend to prefer simplicity, though I’m starting to wish I owned an acorn-shaped cookie cutter.  It’d be too damn easy to press a pattern into the acorn cap, or to sugar the cap.  Or both.  Either way.  Easy.

Classy!  I’ve done a billion variations of these, I’ve pressed sea salt flakes into the top instead of mixing salt into the dough, I’ve dipped them in simple white icing flavored with peppermint, I’ve cut long slender bars of cookie to serve along side cups of tea.

Nothing seems to alter the fact that they taste fucking awesome.  Something about the ratio of not-too-sweet and very cocoa-y makes them just incomparable.  There are a lot of chocolate cookies in the world, but this one I’m willing to fight for.  Truly.  You, me, we go beef¹.

Chocolate Scotch
add 1 tsp peppermint extract (or any extract) for a nice variation. they dough is very easy to work with, but if the kitchen is warm you may need to chill the rolled dough for a few minutes in order to move more complicated cookie-shapes to the baking sheet.

8oz (2 sticks) butter, cold and cut into small pieces
2 C flour
1 C confectioners sugar
1/2 C cocoa (preferably Dutch processed)
1 tsp salt
1 tsp vanilla

  • Heat oven to 300°.
  • Dump everything into a food processor or stand mixer.  Mix until a ball forms.
  • Roll out between two sheets of plastic wrap to no less than 1/4 inch thick, though much thicker (up to 1/2 inch!) are better in my opinion.  The thicker they are, the less crispy they’ll be.  Cut into desired shapes and place onto cookie sheet.  Don’t worry about them getting too close, they barely get any bigger during cooking.  With a skewer or fine-tipped chopstick, stab each cookie at least once in the middle to keep them from puffing up during cooking.
  • Bake for 25 minutes exactly.  Set the timer.  Do not overbake – they will get bitter.  They are difficult to visually tell when done, so you just have to trust the timer and not your eyes.
  • Transfer to wire rack to cool.

¹ A challenge once famously given to my dad by an angry Samoan surfer back in my dad’s Spicoli days.

October 8th, 2010 | Make It So

14 Responses to The Greatest Chocolate Cookies Ever

  1. Henry says:

    These look awesome, although, whenever i make cookies i tend to just do it without a recipe on account of the laziness. Hahahahah.

    Anyway so, I tried the Chai! It was really good, nice and spicy, and, a really good spicy. Strong flavors of clove and cinnamon, maybe almost a little anise-y, with just the slightest undertones of really good black tea. My only complaint, is that it didn’t feel full bodied enough for what it is, you usually think of those flavors as either a thicker, or a cold beverage. But maybe that’s just a personal preference, next time i think i’ll use less water and maybe more milk, or cream, or half and half instead of milk.

    Also, i really really want to smoke something with it, I’m kind of thinking chicken, i’d say duck but i don’t know if i have enough chai to be able to really permeate a strong flavor like duck. But, really, as a beverage, i’d give it like a B, or B+. but as an ingredient, the possibilities are endless!

    Oh, and again, thanks so much for the Chai, and the Hi-Chew which is pretty much my new favorite thing in the world.

  2. Kristina says:

    Ok. So it’s like this.

    First, I clicked through because anyone who can make me laugh while reading descriptions on Tastespotting gets a visit. That site (and anyone who types ‘need i say more’ as a description) pisses me off so I needed and appreciated the laugh.

    Second, I laughed again when reading the description. You are both raunchy and a good writer, and that’s really, really hard. It’s like being raunchy and a good comic. If you take out the word “fuck” are you still funny? No, Andrew Dice Clay. You were not.

    Third, you sealed my love affair with the “You, me, we go beef.” I knew exactly what that meant because my family lives on the Big Island of Hawaii and that just resonated instantly. I had a big Samoan look me over in a cafe and say to me “You me ::using his fingers to point to both of us:: make big pretty babies”

    So now I have to read through your entire blog today. I don’t really have that kind of time, but, I’ll abuse company time and do it anyway.

  3. Bonoca says:

    No egg…is the butter wet enough to make it all come together?

  4. Jason says:

    Win!!! I made these tonight with my boys while my wife went out for dinner with family. The look on her face as she was walking out the door…watching me load ingredients into her Kitchen Aid mixer (which I have never even looked at before tonight) was priceless. She almost didn’t leave the house.

    I thought I had done something wrong when the dry ingredients mixing around the bowl didn’t seem to change in texture…certainly nowhere near the choco-ball in your pic. Then suddenly the ball appeared…almost instantly. The boys thought it was magic.

    We used a bat-shaped cookie cutter and made awesome little chocolate bats. Huge success! Very chocolatey…slightly salty…crunchy…wonderful. Kid approved.

  5. Oh wow. I’m definitely bookmarking this. The texture seems amazing and I love the way it looks before baking. I’ll definitely have to chill the dough first if I’m to make this in Malaysia. Sigh.

  6. Sunday says:

    Henry: I’m glad you tried the chai! I’m really curious about this smoking something with it – if you do, you have to tell me about it. And the Hi-Chew — if you can ever find some actual manufactured-in-Japan flavors, they tend to be a little more authentic and tasty, I think. I had some “golden kiwi” flavor last year that tasted EXACTLY like golden kiwi. It was intense.

  7. Sunday says:

    Kristina: YEAH, BUDDY! The big pretty babies totally cracked me up — “We go beef” is a gold standard in our family now, I might have to start working in big pretty babies somehow.

    I’m really pleased that you’ve been enjoying the blog. I know a lot of blogs out there just go for volume readers, but I like to think that I’m cultivating the finest selection of readers available on the internets. Quality, not quantity.

  8. Sunday says:

    Jason!: Mike and I were so excited that you made these, and Mike kept saying “Jason comment was so thoughtful,” and/or “Jason was so helpful to mention how the process of the cookies went,” and “Jason is just so great, blah blah blah.”

    But really, it was a useful comment. It’s been so long since I’ve made the cookies in a stand mixer that I forgot it took a lot longer for the dough to come together. And! It’s very exciting that your kids got to make them with you, these were my favorite Christmas cookies when I was a kid, and I think mostly because I could make them entirely by myself.

  9. Sunday says:

    Bonoca: Yep, no egg! Everything will eventually incorporate into the butter. It’s a peculiarly easy little recipe, but it’s as solid as they get.

  10. Gracey says:

    Ok, I made these, they were awesome… but…

    I subsituted butter for sunflower margarine to make them vegan, and though I blended and blended all I got was a mixture with the texture of buttercream frosting! I had to add a whole extra cup of flour to get a dough, but once I I got that in there it did exactly what you said and was a dream to work with. Just a head’s up for anyone else veganising these cookies. I never had that happen with this margarine before, maybe it has a high water content.

    Oh, and I used almond extract for extra sexy.

    P.S love the site, I check it weekly at least!

  11. Sunday says:

    First of all, I love it when people get back to me after baking something.

    Second of all, I’m glad the recipe eventually worked out for you because I never would have recommended using margarine. I understand that it was to make it vegan (which I have nothing against) but margarine has SO much water in it that margarine and I are arch-enemies. I take that back, one of my all-time favorite comfort foods in the whole universe is homemade buttermilk biscuits with big sloppy pats of margarine on them — butter just won’t do. That’s my dad’s South Carolinean side of the family talking.

    But! Again – I’m glad the recipe ended up working, and that you checked back in with what happened so other folks trying it can know: ONE MORE CUP FLOUR. Roger that.

  12. Lana says:

    I also made these vegan (used canola margarine) and they turned out perfect – the dough was exactly as your described. Freakin’ fantastic cookies, we’re probably going to attempt a gingerbread house with them in time for Christmas. :)

  13. Blanca says:

    These are REALLY the best chocolate cookies.
    I made exactly as the recipe and also I made a second batch using agave nectar. Both batches were great

  14. Lana says:

    Another note on the cookies: last time I used brown sugar and they were softer, more shortbready. This time I tried white sugar and they came out super crispy and delicious. Pretty cool variation, they’re so damn tasty.

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