Anger Burger

Big in Japan: Sumo Orange Will Crush You

Posted by Sunday on Mar 12, 2011 at 4:06 pm

I’m sick over what has happened to Japan.  I’ve written paragraphs of gruesome, atheistic prattle and none of it feels right.  But you know what does?  Talking about how awesome Japan is.

I’ll start.  SUMO ORANGE.  That’s right motherfuckers, the best orange you’ve never had.  A couple of weeks ago I read this article in the Los Angeles Times and tucked the information away for myself later.  Its a crazy article and you should read it, but basically this orange and Satsuma tangerine hybrid, marketed under the name “Dekopon”, has had a rough and scandalous time trying to make it to America.  A massive, illegal grove in Southern California was even burned to the ground after it tested positive for a deadly citrus virus.  Later the whole citrus industry wouldn’t even discuss the fruit with reporters, referring to the fruit under the codename “XP1”.  I swear this is true!  Fruit espionage, who knew.

But now that the growers have a head start on any competitors, the fruit is out.  I went to my local Whole Foods and grabbed four of them at a scorching $10.  Still, if they really are the best oranges ever…

So yes, they are the best oranges ever.  Their marketing points are outlined to a bizarrely specific level at their website, but they aren’t wrong.  Of course, the first one I peeled and ate was full of giant seeds, even though one of the Sumo’s primary marketing points is seedlessness.  I haven’t encountered a seeded one since then.  Despite having a very thick, knobby rind, the fruits themselves are oddly soft, which in part leads to their price.  They can be easily damaged and can’t be harvested like normal oranges, and instead must be treated like peaches or other tender fruit.

The first one I peeled also worried me, because no juice leaked out as I pulled the segments apart.  And I hate a dry orange like most people hate Cheney.  But mysteriously, they are juicy.  The little pips of orange inside the segments are large and firm, like a grapefruit, confirming Sumo’s somewhat laughable claim of:

“Eat in the Car Test” — Unlike other citrus varieties, SUMO CITRUS™ is ‘neat’ meaning no sticky mess, and hands stay dry.

But the joke is on me, ladies and gentlemen.  Because I would like to eat a Sumo in the car, please.  And on a plane or a train.  And in the shower, and at the gynecologist’s office.  I would like to eat them every hour of every day.

March 12th, 2011 | Obsessed

One Response to Big in Japan: Sumo Orange Will Crush You

  1. Dana says:

    Oooh, a car safe orange is worth tracking down.

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