Anger Burger

Quite Contrary

Posted by Sunday on Apr 8, 2011 at 2:40 pm

How does my garden grow, you ask? Well, fine, if you don’t count the gardener who weed-whacked the strawberries I’d planted (REALLY?! IT LOOKED LIKE A WEED TO YOU?), or if you don’t count this thing:

Oh, so cute, yes?  Eating in the tree.  Want to know what it is eating?  The new leaves on the tree. There are whole branches that about 48 hours ago were covered in beautiful garnet leaves that are now bare.  Because of Captain Salad Bar here.  That’s right around the time I noticed the carrot tops of my tiny baby little carrots had been eaten off down to the soil.

I swear, you guys are going to be reading a recipe for squirrel fricassee sooner rather than later.

April 8th, 2011 | Drama!, True Story

16 Responses to Quite Contrary

  1. Ami says:

    That high precision sling shot you mentioned in an earlier post….. I’m thinking that might not be such a bad idea.

  2. Danabee says:

    I love all critters, fuzzed, feathered and scaled but seriously, Don’t Fuck With My Food. Or leave big turds in my yard for that matter.

    • Sunday says:

      Yeah, I haven’t even gotten to griping about the cat shit I find every day. And by “I find” I mean I HAVE TO PRY OUT OF MY DOG’S MOUTH.

  3. Kristina says:

    Sooner, please. Cap his ass.

  4. eileen says:

    Squirrels are such bastards. When we first moved to CA they ate all our tomatoes. I was practically on the point of ordering mountain lion urine off the internet.

    I must inject a note of caution, as to the high-power slingshot, however. My dad got one to kill the endless rabbits that ate our garden when I was growing up. Shortly thereafter we were minus one plate glass sliding door. Don’t let this happen to you!

    • Sunday says:

      Oh man, I can’t even — we don’t have health insurance. So you’re right to offer a word of warning. We shouldn’t have any projectiles.

  5. Jeff says:

    You can build a rudimentary, effective sound suppressor for a .22 with a sturdy cardboard tube, glue, a hole punch and some bits of paper. While I in no way am supporting or advocating a gratuitiously violent squirrel murder, this isn’t about me…

  6. Sophie says:

    that sucks!!! Wouldn’t it be effective to just leave him nuts to derail its attention? or would that attract many more like him? aaaah. The only summer I got a garden they ate the tomato when they were green… I really don’t think they’re cute anymore!

    • Sunday says:

      I loved hand-feeding my mom’s squirrels with their little long-fingered hands and bright eyes. But they’re in Washington state and these California squirrels are different beasts. I definitely don’t think they’re cute anymore, either.

  7. Possum says:

    Thanks for the really good belly laugh your post and the ensuing responses gave me!
    My brother and his wife live in LA and I cannot believe the amount of invasive livestock they had boldly strolling and munching their way through the garden. The only solution they have had 100% success with is music played at almost inaudible levels through speakers mounted under the eaves.

    • Sunday says:

      Reaaaally. That is interesting. Low music? Because I’m actually already considering that I just can’t grow vegetables. Next year might be flowers only. Of course, they’ll probably eat those too.

  8. nova says:

    We have a dick of a neighbor who gives the squirrels around here peanuts. And then they come over to our flower beds and bury them! I have found peanuts frickin’ everywhere in our yard. It’s one part cute and five parts annoying.

    • Sunday says:

      It’s kind of cute. I mean, I love watching my mom’s squirrels on Washington state, because they bury the peanuts in the lawn so violently. Like, they pull up a flap of sod, stuff the nut under it and then pat it down like SO. HARD. It makes me laugh.

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