Anger Burger

Breakfast Delicious

Posted by Sunday on Feb 7, 2012 at 8:23 am

I’m not proud of myself.  But I suspect that’s why you’re here.

First, let’s objectively step back and admire this:

It’s lovely!  An oversized glazed bar-type donut with a thin ribbon of maple frosting and a generous heap of fine little bacon crumbles.  I love it.  I think it’s gorgeous – O, the aesthetics!

Okay wait.  We have to talk about bacon in desserts before this goes any further.  I need to be on the record as saying that I am not a fan, 99% of the time.  There have been exceptions, but they are just that: rare instances where it works.  Bacon is a very fatty meat that loses its appeal when cold.  I had bacon ice cream in Los Angeles and was totally offended by the rubbery, industrially greasy texture that I couldn’t scrape off my tongue even with a napkin.  I’ve had other bacon-maple donuts with large pieces of bacon, and again: cooked bacon tends to get rubbery when at room temperature, and trying to chew through a piece of meat while biting through a soft, silky donut that never did anything wrong to anyone is just a sad day for donuts everywhere.

But Twister Donuts in Olympia has achieved the bacon-topping pinnacle of evenly tiny, crunchy little pieces of bacon, like pork sprinkles.   Even their own magnificent signage shows an unpleasant application of bacon pieces:

But alas, this donut is far from unpleasant.  It is downright disgustingly scrumptious.

If you’re totally nauseated by the idea of such sugar/meat hybrids as the Krispy Cream Hamburger, then clearly there is nothing for you here.  It is, without fanfare, a donut stuffed with several long sticks of cheap ham, and what was probably at one point some Swiss cheese cheese product, but has since become a salty, dairy-flavored sauce around the ham.  I understand that my description is not improving the chances of you ever wanting to eat this, but I am not lying when I say that I enjoyed it.  And hated myself more than a little.  But I’ll eat another one in my lifetime, because you never know when that metaphorical and possibly literal bus is going to flatten you like the short-lived, wish-you’d-had-more-donuts wretch that you are.

Unrelated, I originally misspelled breakfast as “breakfats” and ham & cheese as “hand & cheese”.

February 7th, 2012 | Eatin' Fancy

8 Responses to Breakfast Delicious

  1. Danabee says:

    Pretty sure the acronym “OMG” was first used in a bacon-related discussion. I’d totally try that thing, Sunday.

  2. bec says:

    Your steadfast commitment to the exploration of the fatty fringes of the edible world is what inspires me to go on.

  3. Hugh says:

    I tend to be disappointed with the whole bacon & dessert thing, and I think you nailed the reason why. This weekend I made chocolate-covered bacon pecan caramel turtles for my sweetheart, and they worked precisely because I took extra care to render out as much fat from the bacon as possible. For the record, I baked them on a rack in a sheet pan at a low temperature (250 degrees) for about 2 hours. Cracker crisp.

    Also for the record, I just found this blog because I was cooking with fish sauce and couldn’t help but wonder if other people thought it smelled like….you know. Google has you ranked #1 for that search, btw. Who needs SEO?

  4. Raine says:

    “and trying to chew through a piece of meat while biting through a soft, silky donut that never did anything wrong to anyone is just a sad day for donuts everywhere.”- TOTALLY AGREE!

  5. Dustin says:

    You should try the Bacon Maple Bar at Voodoo Doughnuts in Portland,OR!!!

    • Sunday says:

      You know, I’m not a fan of Voodoo donuts, and for the exact reason that this whole post discusses: the giant, intact pieces of bacon are basically inedible unless you pick them off and eat them along side the donut.

  6. KamiKazi says:

    The only bacon in dessert thing that I have tried was Vosges Milk Chocolate Bacon bar. Being half Japanese, I’m pretty used to weird combination of things–especially while living in Okinawa. But the whole time I ate (originally wrote hate instead of ate–subconscious feelings for you right there) the Vosges Bacon bar, I kept wondering where the bacon was and why did I taste fish? The boyfriend could taste the bacon, but it just tasted like fish to me. Maybe it was the hickory flavor salts in the bar?

    Either way, it has made me a bit hesitant in trying anything else with bacon.

  7. Ashley says:

    I want this. Now.

    Also, re: the cold bacon issue. May I suggest a freshly fried, still hot and delicious donut, topped with freshly fried, still hot and delicious bacon?

    I might actually need to go make donuts now…

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