I’m not proud of myself. But I suspect that’s why you’re here.
First, let’s objectively step back and admire this:
It’s lovely! An oversized glazed bar-type donut with a thin ribbon of maple frosting and a generous heap of fine little bacon crumbles. I love it. I think it’s gorgeous – O, the aesthetics!
Okay wait. We have to talk about bacon in desserts before this goes any further. I need to be on the record as saying that I am not a fan, 99% of the time. There have been exceptions, but they are just that: rare instances where it works. Bacon is a very fatty meat that loses its appeal when cold. I had bacon ice cream in Los Angeles and was totally offended by the rubbery, industrially greasy texture that I couldn’t scrape off my tongue even with a napkin. I’ve had other bacon-maple donuts with large pieces of bacon, and again: cooked bacon tends to get rubbery when at room temperature, and trying to chew through a piece of meat while biting through a soft, silky donut that never did anything wrong to anyone is just a sad day for donuts everywhere.
But Twister Donuts in Olympia has achieved the bacon-topping pinnacle of evenly tiny, crunchy little pieces of bacon, like pork sprinkles. Even their own magnificent signage shows an unpleasant application of bacon pieces:
But alas, this donut is far from unpleasant. It is downright disgustingly scrumptious.
If you’re totally nauseated by the idea of such sugar/meat hybrids as the Krispy Cream Hamburger, then clearly there is nothing for you here. It is, without fanfare, a donut stuffed with several long sticks of cheap ham, and what was probably at one point some Swiss cheese cheese product, but has since become a salty, dairy-flavored sauce around the ham. I understand that my description is not improving the chances of you ever wanting to eat this, but I am not lying when I say that I enjoyed it. And hated myself more than a little. But I’ll eat another one in my lifetime, because you never know when that metaphorical and possibly literal bus is going to flatten you like the short-lived, wish-you’d-had-more-donuts wretch that you are.
Unrelated, I originally misspelled breakfast as “breakfats” and ham & cheese as “hand & cheese”.February 7th, 2012 | Eatin' Fancy