Anger Burger

Jjarlepjnir-Maek, official snack of Ragnorak

Posted by Mike the Viking on Sep 6, 2012 at 10:54 am

Greetings, Angry Burgarians, it is I, MIKE the VIKING. Do not be alarmed. Cooperate and your villages and maidens will be mostly spared. Mostly.

Perhaps you are aware that 2012 is the Year of the Jalapeno*? People are becoming more familiar with how to use the blessed things, not just as a way to get back at gringos, but as a kung-fu fightin’ secret flavor agent. The trick is that jalapenos (like most peppers) are fantastic when roasted.

Jalalapeno works best when paired with cheese. This is something of a revelation, since the traditionally  jalapenurous are loth to use cheese. You don’t get cheese on a torta. You don’t get cheese in a bahn mi. But the cheese is such a good flavor carrier- it smoothes out the spicy peaks and really spreads around the jalagoodness. Jalapeno and Pineapple Pizza? Oh yes. Jalapeno Cheeseburger? So angry-making.

Which brings me to my point: Jaeleapeneaou Mac and Cheese. So obvious, and yet, overlooked. How is it that after centuries of Macaroni, we’re only now getting this, mere months from Ragnorak?

Sunday brought this to my attention after a recent Portlandia away trip. She and her boon companions** purchased the Jalamac at  one of Portland’s thousands of Mac n’ Cheese trucks. Now it’s on the menu at Fig Manor, and we couldn’t be happier.


I’m not going to tell you how to make Mac and Cheese, because I really don’t know. There’s probably a video on YouTube about it. I don’t mean to get all Paula Deen on your buns, but this would work with box mac as well as frou-frou mac.


  • USUAL MAC and CHEESE ingredients;
  • Jar of Pickled Jalapenos;
  • Fresh Jalapenos (If you’re fancy)


  1.  Add in a goodly amount of finely diced pickled Jalapenos when you add the cheese (sauce). Mix well.
  2.  Transfer Jalamac to oven-proof pan (pie pan or such).
  3.  Add grated cheese (to taste- my preference is some sharp cheddar and some parm) over top of slurry.
  4.  Distribute sliced (pickled or fresh) Jalapenos in an artistic pattern across the cheese bog.
  5.  Bake at high (375-425 depending on oven) until cheese is well-melted and slightly browned, like the cheese on a pizza, and the jalapenos are toasted or shrively (flavor!).
  6.  Remove from oven and allow sufficient time to cool (optional).
  7. Eat entire pan while you mope about how BRIDE of CHUCKY stole the box office from your crappy self-indulgent guilt-fest (optional).
  8. If you failed at #7, transfer the remants to a refrigerable container and eat at your leisure (microwave for 120-150 seconds).


*side note: I always want to spell it jalepeno. Also, I am aware that there’s some kind of weird accent marque on it, but I’d sooner be torn apart by frost giants than learn the code for that.

**chicken-fanciers and all-around nice folks, Krista and Jess

Coming up on ANGER BURGER: Oh the Things you’ll find in Jars

September 6th, 2012 | Food Rant, Make It So

6 Responses to Jjarlepjnir-Maek, official snack of Ragnorak

  1. Mike says:

    I for one welcome our new Viking overlord and his cheese and jjarlepjnir ideals.

  2. jess says:

    Aw, you said we are nice.

  3. meg says:

    Is it completely square of me to ask you to clarify your reference to the “crappy self-indulgent guilt-fest”? I’m bristling to know what you mean, good sir.

  4. Rick says:

    Joyous Ragnarok, Mike da Viking!

    Jalapenomac sound wonderful, but I think I’d want a few insanely tiny bits of Habanero, as well!

    May your battle axe find the Midgard Serpents tongu!


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