Anger Burger

The day of reckoning is at hand or something. Because I decided that the plan to have the games shipped to us and then re-ship them to you was totally stupid, needlessly complicated, slightly expensive, and pointlessly extra-worky. So, go nut! Or as I meant to type, go nuts!

You can now buy BAD NEIGHBORS directly from the printer (the lovely THE GAMECRAFTER) for $19.99 plus shipping. If you order today, there is good chance your cards will be getting to your house or apartment or squalid van behind the Grocery Outlet 10 days from now.

If you would like a custom FAMILY CARD, hand-drawn by one of us (as mentioned in the previous post), that is your right as loyal citizens of Angerburgeria. You need to get us the info, like the name you want on the card (or else we’ll assign one to you), an appropriate reference photo, and a mailing address.* I will email you about that after I receive some kind of proof that you have purchased the game. (If you don’t have the full game, I’m not sure why you would want one singular family card. Unless you plan to play the solo version of BAD NEIGHBORS, also known as NO NEIGHBORS or GOOD NEIGHBORS. If so, excelsior! May you live long in solitude, you glorious hermit.)

At this time, the dedicated url (BADNEIGHBORS.ORG) is forwarding to the sales page on The Gamecrafter. Some time soon, once I remember how to set up hosting and DNSes etc, you’ll be able to go there to download the quick start guide, read the FAQs, or watch a “let’s play” video. But you’ll probably see most of that here first. Forget I said anything.

I will leave you with the words of George Susan Patton: “War is hell. And if anyone deserves hell, it’s my goddamn neighbors.”

Go forth and give them what’s coming to them.

MIKE the VIKING

*We’ll be printing up spare blank cards to make this happen. Which means the custom-drawn card will arrive some time after the full game. Uh, savor the anticipation.

The proof of the 1st edition of BAD NEIGHBORS came yesterday (antlers not included). It looks awesome. As you might be able to tell from the above pixels, we tooled up the art, added color to the draw cards, and hand-lettered all the card text. So as I write this, we are moments (days) away from being able to sell it to you and all your friends and family and enemies.

Soon you will be able to order it directly from us (yay!) or from the printer, The GameCrafter (also yay!). There will be some special perks for Anger Burgerenos who order directly, not because we love doing extra work, but because we love you. Either way, the price will be $20 plus shipping. (We’d make it cheaper if we could but that’s not really possible without laying out a bunch of up-front cash).  Anyway, twenty bucks is cheaper than a movie, and the game is a hell-of-a-lot more entertaining and you don’t have to deal with people eating cellophane or kicking your seat.

PERKS:

Perk ichi: We are still working on the quick-start (QS) guide. The game is STUPIDLY easy to play, but since it doesn’t follow the same rules of any other game EVER (at least any that I’ve played), it usually takes people a couple of turns (not games, just around the table) to get it. There are instruction cards included, but those are mostly for clarification. The best way to learn is by jumping in. The QS guide should help you with that. Unfortunately, due to the limitations of the printer, we can’t ship it from them without jacking up the price significantly. Since the QS is only necessary for the first playthrough in a house, we’re going to print it ourselves and jam it in with the games we personally handle. We’ll also post it somewhere for downloads, which is maybe better, because, you know, trees, man.

Perk numero dos: In the game, family cards act as a kind of scoring mechanism (i.e. health). You’ll understand when you play it. For this edition we printed a blank family card. Why? So that we/you could customize it with a member of your very own ACTUAL family. If you order it from the printer, you will have to DIY (fun). Use a sharpie so that it doesn’t rub off. HOWEVER, if you order it from us, one of the actual game-makers (the Captain or the Viking) will customize it with a caricature of YOU or your LOVED ONE or FRIEND or ENEMY or PET, or not, your choice.*

If you leave a comment on this post, I will add you to the mailing list of people that will be the very first to know, seconds after we figure out how to make a pay-pal order form and BAD NEIGHBORS officially goes on sale.

FINALLY:

On an unrelated note, thanks to everyone who bought Sunday’s book so far. Special thanks to Carrie Anne who took the time to post a review on AMAZON. I hate to beg, but if you like the book, even if you haven’t finished it yet, we need more reviews. They don’t need to be long or in depth. One-liners are fine, too. Please please please. It helps.

Oh, you’re waiting for that immortality I promised? OK.

Do you know who HONUS WAGNER is? Well if you do, it’s probably because he’s the face of the most valuable baseball card of all time. If you post a review of e galactic mu (and let us know about it here on AB)  you will join Carrie Anne for a chance to be the Honus Wagner of the 21st century. I will be adding a special random Family Card to the next edition of BAD NEIGHBORS. When someone orders a deck, they will receive one of these rare cards. The cards are selected at random from a pool- so the more reviews we get, the bigger that pool, the rarer an individual card is, and (counter-intuitively) the better chance that your card will be selling at auction in the year 2113 for a like 1.5 billion bars of latinum (or whatever currency people are using at the time). FAME!**

This is what a family card looks like (only without a border and with rounded corners):

Wishing you bountiful plunder and gallons of mead, it is I, MORT the VIKING

 *Since it’s pretty time-consuming, we will only be able to offer this for a limited number of orders, so, you know, act fast. Your satisfaction with the attractiveness of the drawing is not guaranteed.

**By the way, it doesn’t have to be you, you can request someone else to be on the card, just post your book review, leave me a comment (preferably on the previous post) and I’ll parley with you on the details. I can’t do an unlimited amount of these but I don’t have a magic number yet– I will post a note when the pool is closed.

In the tradition of this horrible universe, you often get good news with bad news. And vice-versa. So it goes.

Today we announce the long-anticipated, public, available on AMAZON, kindle publication of Sunday’s novel, e galactic mu.

The author.

That’s right, this is a thing. And you can read it. And goddamn it, you should. Our lovely captain put untold hours into crafting a lovely and hilarious story with memorable characters. And I put in no small effort myself, editing and winnowing and replacing dumb quote marks and fixing italic tags all that. And you helped!

Here is a quote from the book:

Now, everyone knows that the bloatshark towers had never failed around Birch Bay, and that even the pier itself had electro-static wire thatching, but no one wanted to be at the end of that pier. No one wants to be the one that sits at the very front of the plane, either: out of some optimistic fantasy that if the plane were to crash, the tail end would remain intact. The Captain Reverend seemed to think that it was all a part of his lot in life, even though he could move his boat at any time. Anyone who had been on the pier longer than a few days knew the Captain’s motto: “Better to be eaten by bloatsharks than have to socialize with you goddamn Mongoloid assholes.”

That is now my motto. I mean, my old motto was pretty similar, but I like this one better. The book is full of wisdom like this, suitable for personal enrichment and/or epitaphs. Also, flying sharks! Hello!

All that is to say, go buy the book. If you don’t have a kindle, get the app for your mammy-rammin’ iphone or itab or idesk or itampon or whatever. And/or buy it as a gift. It is not overly sexual, but does contain scenes of humping. For just $3, it’s a gift that says you’re thoughtful AND frugal AND like humping. Happy Valentines!

Part B of your mission (after you buy the book), is to write a review on Amazon. It does not have to be a long review. It does not have to be a five-star review (though, if you actually read the book, it probably will be). It does not even have to be a positive review. Reviews are gold, and our hope is that people beyond our precious circle of loyal Burgerians will get to enjoy this book. Drop us a comment here after you post a review (so we can high-five you). If you do that, you will be eligible for a possibly immoral special payola-like tribute that will confer IMMORTALITY* and/or FAME. What could be better than that?

That reminds me. I disabled DRM on the thing, so you can share it up. More than anything, we want people reading it. If they like it, maybe they’ll feel guilty and pay for a copy later (I mean, sooner is better, obviously, but later is okay). Or they’ll write a review. Either way, we’re cool like that.

And as long as I’m giving stuff away, here’s a special deal for you non-Kindleers: if you buy the Kindle version, and you require a different format, leave a comment here and I will personally email you a version for your device, in your preferred format** (almost 100% guaranteed to work). It won’t be instant, but it will provide gratification. And it will retain almost all of the typos I missed in the Kindle version. What can I say? I’m a giver.

So, in summary: buy book, write review, buy as gift, tweet, facebook, put it on your blog, tell all your friends, and most importantly, enjoy.

More updates throughout Spamuary. Thank you for your support.

MIKE the VIKING

*Of a very limited sort. Fame not guaranteed. But still, highly awesome. Come on, it’s an oblique bribe! Do I have to spell it out for you? Yes? I will, I promise.

**Not paper or audio, for Fenris’ sake.