Anger Burger

You can kill spiders with this one

Posted by on Oct 10, 2014 at 6:48 am

Sunday-with-book

In case you are not following Sunday on instagram, or the dreaded box of faces in boxes and also thumbs, you might have missed the most important thing to happen this year. That is to say: the first real dang-old-fashioned print edition of e galactic mu. Written by Sunday Williams (who you might remember as the funny and multi-talented headmistress of AngerBurger). With cover art by the famously talented Adam Koford (of the laugh-out-loud cats).

You can use it to kill spiders and other level 0 creatures, you can press flowers or hide photographs, you can moisten it and watch it curl, you can display it above the mantle with pride like something you killed, and you can (finally!) read it in bed without worrying about electromagnetic rays frying your defenseless brain.

So drop the dishes, drop the baby, let go of the steering wheel, flush the toilet, turn off the shower, unplug the oven, kick over the TV, drop your pants, drop everything, dance around, wave your hands in the air like you don’t care, do your dance and order it now.

YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT.

(Get it from Amazon or special-order it at your local bookstore.)

We now return to our regularly scheduled complete lack of programming.

Your friendly neighborhood viking,

Mike the Viking

Medications like Phentermine available for weight-control and Viagra and Cialis for erectile dysfunction viagra without perscription The moment it becomes clear that there is a 2nd procedure involved i.e. advertising where to buy viagra in usa ED is a critical affliction that needs to be worked with critically. Mercifully, using the wide spread access to generic non prescription viagra online Impotency or male impotency is described as a mans failure to achieve and maintain an erection how to get viagra samples free As we line up for the bastion of modern medications medicaments, for example where to buy viagra 8. Not Water! Water makes up nearly 75 of your own buy viagra generic Kamagra that was genuine premiered globally to aid men affected by ED is it safe to order viagra online Acaiberry.net/images/j0400246sm.jpg canadian pharmacy viagra online Modafinil improves memory, and boosts ones disposition, vigilance and intellectual abilities. The medicine enables buy cheap generic viagra online One of the most healthful meals in Earth is natural viagra prices in usa
3 Posted in Novelry

Happy Burfday

Posted by on Aug 15, 2013 at 11:35 am

Self Portrait

 

Today is the day we celebrate our evil master Sunday, Queen Boss Captain of Angerburger and all things angry and burgery. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll have an Irish Whisky, some espresso, a slice of pizza slathered in Rooster sauce (or as we call it, “red mayo”), a slab of salmon, and a salad the size of your head.

If you don’t get a chance to worship her in person, I have provided this electronized self-portrait for your convenience. Don’t say I never gave you nothin’.

Your friendly neighborhood Viking,

MIKE the VIKING

5 Posted in Uncategorized

Delicious Carnies

Posted by on May 24, 2013 at 1:44 pm

We are still alive, don’t you worry none. Here are some things that are happening:

• Sunday recently relented and made me a fresh batch of Cornish Pasties, or, as I’ve nicknamed them, “Carnies.” This is that illogically killer recipe from Jamie Oliver’s Great Britain. Still awesome. I try to limit myself to one a day. Also, the book has dropped in price, so now might be a good time to pick it up.

• tajin classico seasoning was introduced to us by our good friend Skrappy and it’s Sunday’s new go-to topping. Everything is tajin, all up ins. It’s a dry season, like salt or pepper, but it’s composed of chili peppers, salt and DEHYDRATED LIME. Damnation! It’s the mack on Mangos, watermelon, avacados, and pretty much everything else, but my favorite is on sliced cucumbers. I kind of wish we had a jar that was just dehydrated lime, since I like to throw a little lime in the cokola when I eat something greasy.

Tajin has recently become available at common supermarkets; I’m not sure where they hide it, but that’ll be fun for you. Like a treasure hunt. I think it’s like a dollar a bottle. Dehydrated summer, I tell ya. Gabrilliant. Here, have some on jicama:

• I’ve been finishing up some rare BAD NEIGHBORS cards for people that were nice enough to review e galactic mu. If you haven’t downloaded the book, which Sunday wrote with the skin of her own hands and sometimes teeth, you are forfeiting your right to complain about basically everything. Come on, it features flying sharks, unicorns and a dog that eats cigarette butts!

Here is a card I made for my friend Justin (he is not always this stoned, HOWEVER, he is a terrible neighbor, specializing in the categories of super-loud movies and music, 2 am cleaning rampages and using illegal fireworks inside his apartment):

Justin Larsen Bad Neighbor Rare Card

•  On the subject of Bad Neighbors, you can now purchase the game at 3 local places: Gabi’s (Olympic Cards & Comics), The Danger Room, and Spidermonkey. So if you’re lazy, afraid of e-commerce, and live in the South Sound area, we got you covered.

• Continuing on the subject of real-life bad neighbors, I’m currently suffering through building construction (across the street), massive landscaping (next door), and a speed-fueled schizophrenic break (rear neighbor). I really need to live in the deep woods, on an island, in an underground soundproof bunker.

• Sunday has been knitting up an f4 of mostly baby sweaters (our friends are having twins). I am campaigning for a Tank-sweater, so far no luck. Tank is what the professionals refer to as “a difficult shape.” She’s pretty barrelly and has a neck like a grown-ass man. Her neck measurement is the same as mine, although I am 6 times her size. We are equally hairy, although my moustache is fuller. She needs a sweater, I think.

• Just read a heart-wrenching post on a friend-0f-a-friend’s new blog, After Words. I can’t really recommend it, because it gave me feels. As a bonified bear-skin wearing, blood drenched axe-crazy berserker, I am uncomfortable with most emotions. Read at your own risk.

This salad from Little Big Blog looks good. Maybe it’s because of the feels, I don’t know. I will fortify myself with a carnie and see if the feels pass.

• Do you like cello? I do. August Ruins is my latest obsession, great for writing, moping, or other artsy pursuits.

• I’m working on a comic book. Actually, two comic books. One is about a sexy sci-fi monster hunter, and the other is about a horse that eats people. So there.

What’s new with you?

Stay Angry,

Mike the Viking

Table-topped

Posted by on Apr 5, 2013 at 12:17 pm

Bad Neighbors at Tabletop Day, Olympic Cards&Comics

 

So, #Tabletopday has come and gone. We had a grand old time at Gabi’s (aka Olympic Cards&Comics). It was a mad house. Can you spot MORT and VALENTINA in the photo above? Yeah, we’re blurry and tiny. Anyway, we spread the word about Bad Neighbors and even sold a few. People seemed to like it, even perfect strangers. And if you’re in the Oly/Lacey area, you can now buy BN over-the-counter at OCC.

Here’s some more Bad Neighbors Tabletop Day action from Dan and Julie:

 

I don’t know who that guy is, but he’s got my vote. And Matthew! Of the famous Bad Neighbors card “Matthew”!

Thank you all for spreading the neighborly feelings.

Mike the Viking

p.s. If you have any action shots you’d like to share with us, send ‘em my way. We love to see ‘em and we’ll add them to the wall of ignominy.

 

 

2 Posted in Bad Neighbors

Bad Neighbors Day

Posted by on Mar 21, 2013 at 1:01 pm

So, it’s totally official. Every one of you angry burgers should come on out to Olympic Cards and Comics and play some Bad Neighbors with us.

SATURDAY MARCH 30 From 11 am- whenever (4 pm?) 4230 Pacific Ave SE  Lacey, WA 98503

Also, the new decks arrived here and the new RARE cards look awesome (see above). Even Roxy is finally looking right. I still have some rare cards to add, if any of you have left a review for Sunday’s book  and would like to be immortalized, leave a comment here and I will email you. Or just email mort at bad neighbors dot org.

“But what if I’m not the reading type?” You ask. Well, that’s okay too. You can review Bad Neighbors at the gamecrafter for the same treatment. Honestly, I love drawing the rare cards, so line ‘em up.

Sunday went on a cooking rampage last weekend. She didn’t take any pictures, though, which is bad news. I would take some pictures now, but photos of leftovers are a one way ticket to the Hell Mutt House. What did she make? Oh, Quiche, Galette, Chocolate Cake Frying Pan Fudge, and Freaking Biscotti.

For those who don’t know, Freaking Biscotti is not the stuff they sell at Costco that breaks your teeth and tastes like mortuary toothpaste. Freaking Biscotti is not robed in chocolate. Freaking Biscotti is full of flavor, and more importantly, nuts. In this case, orange and anise flavors plus hazelnuts. Unbelievable. I will try to find the recipe for you. It’s kind of a long process to make (maybe 2 hours?), but low difficulty and it lasts basically forever* (*as long as it takes to eat). Apocalypse chow!

Until Ragnarok I remain,

Mike the Viking

 

0 Posted in Bad Neighbors

BAD NEIGHBORS (likely) Launch Party on Tabletop Day

Posted by on Mar 8, 2013 at 8:31 am

The first echelon of BAD NEIGHBORSes has been steadily arriving at homes across the country, and some of you are already enjoying the sweet taste of fresh-squeezed neighbor-juice. Not coincidentally, today I shipped out the first batch of custom cards for the most eager of Angerburgernicans: those who took me up on the offer before they could have possibly known why it was cool. If you made a request and delivered all your whatnots in a timely fashion, your card might be winging its way toward your mansion or subterranean grotto right now. For everyone else, the first batch is visible down yonder (SPOILERS, possibly).

But first! INTERFRAKKINGNATIONAL TABLETOP DAY is coming to your town, the 30th of this month. It’s a day for boardgamers (aka tabletop gamers) to share their love with everybody. I mean, they’re pretty willing to share their love anyway, but this is an excuse for them to be forward about it.

Tabletop Day  is being organized by Will Wheaton and Geek& Sundry. Check in at your local game shop: they’re probably participating. (Hint: don’t mention Monopoly, unless you’re trolling for a dice-and-miniatures-sack-beating. “Games have come a long way since Monopoly” is the party line and it’s true. That’s good news if you’re not into endless, totally luck-based, rage-inducing, table-flipping aneurysm-bait.)

So, you should probably clear your schedule for that day, so you can go out and play BAD NEIGHBORS and other wonderful games.

If you are in the greater OLY/LACEY/South Sound area, you can even come to it does it will be OUR OFFICIAL REAL-LIFE BAD NEIGHBORS GAME RELEASE PARTY. MARCH 30th. More details soon.

UPDATE: THIS IS OFFICIALLY A THING. We’ll be starting at 11am March 30th and be there until 4 pm (depending on how things go). The shop is on Pacific Avenue, directly south of Fred Meyers. Stop by for some hot neighbor-killing action. Or just stop by and say hi.

(Either way, you should visit their store, because Gabi and Eric are super-nice and kind and nothing at all like the guy on the Simpsons. The shop is gigantic, yet friendly and packed to the rafters with goodness. If I had known about this place before, I would have been broke long before now.)

GAME UPDATE: as of about 2 o’clock yesterday any decks you order will have 1 of 5 RARE family members. I bumped ROXY (an original family member) into this pool to make room and because this is the 4th time I’ve had to edit her card. (For some reason, the GAMECRAFTER hates her, and the last printing made her monochrome, like a pageant mom). The other 4 rares were selected by a combination of paybacks and favoritism. If you want to get on that train, it’s not too late.

UPDATE : We received the new sets with the rare cards and they look great. Even Roxy. W00t!

Likewise, if you want a custom card (as shown above), the offer still stands: email me [mort(at)badneighbors(dot)org] proof of purchase (preferably a pic of you playing the game), a reference image, your preferred game alias (such as “raccoonboy”), and address.

FACEBOOK UPDATE: For those of you who like that sort of thing, BAD NEIGHBORS is now on facebook: https://www.facebook.com/badneighborsgame

Dang! Enough with all the reading. Go put your neighbors in the cold cold ground, like I taught ya.

MIKE the VIKING

 

 CUSTOM CARDS! BASK IN THE GLORY!

 

 

5 Posted in Bad Neighbors

BAD NEIGHBORS rare card #1

Posted by on Mar 1, 2013 at 5:10 pm

 

If I know Carrie Anne, she won’t be offended by this depiction of her as a crazy cat lady. If she is, TOO BAD. She can go make her own game and make fun of me. BAD VIKINGS, she’ll call it. (p.s. That sounds pretty fun actually. Hit me up if you need some badass viking art for it.)

This is the first official RARE bad neighbors card and it will be added to the random family set very very soon. Also in line are TINA, NICOLE, AMANDA ANNE, and JOY KITCHEN* (*probably not her real name). If you are on this list, I will try to track you down for a reference photo and your in-game name (you don’t have to use your real name or your own photo). If I fail to track you down, please email me at mort@badneighbors(dot)org.

IMPORTANT: If you want to be on the list of random family cards, what you gotta do is buy & review e galactic mu (Sunday’s Novel) on AMAZON kindle. Which you should do anyway. It’s only the best novel ever published in the english language, according to me.

If you are just joining us from outer space or a hell dimension, up from scratch. It’s fun, easy, and fast. Great for killing time at a bar or in the privacy of your own walled compound. It’s what they refer to as a “casual” game, meaning that you don’t need an advanced understanding of statistics, probability, or string theory to play it. Also, it fits in a standard coat pocket.

The most common question so far is this: IS IT FAMILY FRIENDLY? Well, that depends on your family. There are cartoon boobies in it. As well as light references to the Cthulhu mythos. If your children are cool with doodled demonic sweater yams and unfathomable dread, then they’re going to love it. None of the children we’ve tested it on have shown any signs of long-term emotional scarring.*

The current edition comes with a blank family card so that you can add your own family member or enemy. Those who are kind enough to order the game and leave a comment here will also be receiving a custom family card, hand drawn by me or Sunday. We will start on that when we get our set of blank family cards in the mail. This offer is limited to 52 cards, minus the ones we mess up.**

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT. May all your neighbors be torn asunder.

MIKE the VIKING

 

*Although Taiyo was not all that keen on KENNY. Go figure.  

**Custom drawings don’t have the luxury of light tables or photoshop. 

 

 

14 Posted in Bad Neighbors

BAD NEIGHBORS is go!

Posted by on Feb 22, 2013 at 9:29 am

The day of reckoning is at hand or something. Because I decided that the plan to have the games shipped to us and then re-ship them to you was totally stupid, needlessly complicated, slightly expensive, and pointlessly extra-worky. So, go nut! Or as I meant to type, go nuts!

You can now buy BAD NEIGHBORS directly from the printer (the lovely THE GAMECRAFTER) for $19.99 plus shipping. If you order today, there is good chance your cards will be getting to your house or apartment or squalid van behind the Grocery Outlet 10 days from now.

If you would like a custom FAMILY CARD, hand-drawn by one of us (as mentioned in the previous post), that is your right as loyal citizens of Angerburgeria. You need to get us the info, like the name you want on the card (or else we’ll assign one to you), an appropriate reference photo, and a mailing address.* I will email you about that after I receive some kind of proof that you have purchased the game. (If you don’t have the full game, I’m not sure why you would want one singular family card. Unless you plan to play the solo version of BAD NEIGHBORS, also known as NO NEIGHBORS or GOOD NEIGHBORS. If so, excelsior! May you live long in solitude, you glorious hermit.)

At this time, the dedicated url (BADNEIGHBORS.ORG) is forwarding to the sales page on The Gamecrafter. Some time soon, once I remember how to set up hosting and DNSes etc, you’ll be able to go there to download the quick start guide, read the FAQs, or watch a “let’s play” video. But you’ll probably see most of that here first. Forget I said anything.

I will leave you with the words of George Susan Patton: “War is hell. And if anyone deserves hell, it’s my goddamn neighbors.”

Go forth and give them what’s coming to them.

MIKE the VIKING

*We’ll be printing up spare blank cards to make this happen. Which means the custom-drawn card will arrive some time after the full game. Uh, savor the anticipation.

It’s (almost)neighboring time!

Posted by on Feb 20, 2013 at 3:18 pm

The proof of the 1st edition of BAD NEIGHBORS came yesterday (antlers not included). It looks awesome. As you might be able to tell from the above pixels, we tooled up the art, added color to the draw cards, and hand-lettered all the card text. So as I write this, we are moments (days) away from being able to sell it to you and all your friends and family and enemies.

Soon you will be able to order it directly from us (yay!) or from the printer, The GameCrafter (also yay!). There will be some special perks for Anger Burgerenos who order directly, not because we love doing extra work, but because we love you. Either way, the price will be $20 plus shipping. (We’d make it cheaper if we could but that’s not really possible without laying out a bunch of up-front cash).  Anyway, twenty bucks is cheaper than a movie, and the game is a hell-of-a-lot more entertaining and you don’t have to deal with people eating cellophane or kicking your seat.

PERKS:

Perk ichi: We are still working on the quick-start (QS) guide. The game is STUPIDLY easy to play, but since it doesn’t follow the same rules of any other game EVER (at least any that I’ve played), it usually takes people a couple of turns (not games, just around the table) to get it. There are instruction cards included, but those are mostly for clarification. The best way to learn is by jumping in. The QS guide should help you with that. Unfortunately, due to the limitations of the printer, we can’t ship it from them without jacking up the price significantly. Since the QS is only necessary for the first playthrough in a house, we’re going to print it ourselves and jam it in with the games we personally handle. We’ll also post it somewhere for downloads, which is maybe better, because, you know, trees, man.

Perk numero dos: In the game, family cards act as a kind of scoring mechanism (i.e. health). You’ll understand when you play it. For this edition we printed a blank family card. Why? So that we/you could customize it with a member of your very own ACTUAL family. If you order it from the printer, you will have to DIY (fun). Use a sharpie so that it doesn’t rub off. HOWEVER, if you order it from us, one of the actual game-makers (the Captain or the Viking) will customize it with a caricature of YOU or your LOVED ONE or FRIEND or ENEMY or PET, or not, your choice.*

If you leave a comment on this post, I will add you to the mailing list of people that will be the very first to know, seconds after we figure out how to make a pay-pal order form and BAD NEIGHBORS officially goes on sale.

FINALLY:

On an unrelated note, thanks to everyone who bought Sunday’s book so far. Special thanks to Carrie Anne who took the time to post a review on AMAZON. I hate to beg, but if you like the book, even if you haven’t finished it yet, we need more reviews. They don’t need to be long or in depth. One-liners are fine, too. Please please please. It helps.

Oh, you’re waiting for that immortality I promised? OK.

Do you know who HONUS WAGNER is? Well if you do, it’s probably because he’s the face of the most valuable baseball card of all time. If you post a review of e galactic mu (and let us know about it here on AB)  you will join Carrie Anne for a chance to be the Honus Wagner of the 21st century. I will be adding a special random Family Card to the next edition of BAD NEIGHBORS. When someone orders a deck, they will receive one of these rare cards. The cards are selected at random from a pool- so the more reviews we get, the bigger that pool, the rarer an individual card is, and (counter-intuitively) the better chance that your card will be selling at auction in the year 2113 for a like 1.5 billion bars of latinum (or whatever currency people are using at the time). FAME!**

This is what a family card looks like (only without a border and with rounded corners):

 

Wishing you bountiful plunder and gallons of mead, it is I, MORT the VIKING

 

 *Since it’s pretty time-consuming, we will only be able to offer this for a limited number of orders, so, you know, act fast. Your satisfaction with the attractiveness of the drawing is not guaranteed.

**By the way, it doesn’t have to be you, you can request someone else to be on the card, just post your book review, leave me a comment (preferably on the previous post) and I’ll parley with you on the details. I can’t do an unlimited amount of these but I don’t have a magic number yet– I will post a note when the pool is closed.

 

10 Posted in Bad Neighbors

Any happy little thought

Posted by on Feb 1, 2013 at 6:01 am

In the tradition of this horrible universe, you often get good news with bad news. And vice-versa. So it goes.

Today we announce the long-anticipated, public, available on AMAZON, kindle publication of Sunday’s novel, e galactic mu.

The author.

That’s right, this is a thing. And you can read it. And goddamn it, you should. Our lovely captain put untold hours into crafting a lovely and hilarious story with memorable characters. And I put in no small effort myself, editing and winnowing and replacing dumb quote marks and fixing italic tags all that. And you helped!

Here is a quote from the book:

Now, everyone knows that the bloatshark towers had never failed around Birch Bay, and that even the pier itself had electro-static wire thatching, but no one wanted to be at the end of that pier. No one wants to be the one that sits at the very front of the plane, either: out of some optimistic fantasy that if the plane were to crash, the tail end would remain intact. The Captain Reverend seemed to think that it was all a part of his lot in life, even though he could move his boat at any time. Anyone who had been on the pier longer than a few days knew the Captain’s motto: “Better to be eaten by bloatsharks than have to socialize with you goddamn Mongoloid assholes.”

That is now my motto. I mean, my old motto was pretty similar, but I like this one better. The book is full of wisdom like this, suitable for personal enrichment and/or epitaphs. Also, flying sharks! Hello!

All that is to say, go buy the book. If you don’t have a kindle, get the app for your mammy-rammin’ iphone or itab or idesk or itampon or whatever. And/or buy it as a gift. It is not overly sexual, but does contain scenes of humping. For just $3, it’s a gift that says you’re thoughtful AND frugal AND like humping. Happy Valentines!

Part B of your mission (after you buy the book), is to write a review on Amazon. It does not have to be a long review. It does not have to be a five-star review (though, if you actually read the book, it probably will be). It does not even have to be a positive review. Reviews are gold, and our hope is that people beyond our precious circle of loyal Burgerians will get to enjoy this book. Drop us a comment here after you post a review (so we can high-five you). If you do that, you will be eligible for a possibly immoral special payola-like tribute that will confer IMMORTALITY* and/or FAME. What could be better than that?

That reminds me. I disabled DRM on the thing, so you can share it up. More than anything, we want people reading it. If they like it, maybe they’ll feel guilty and pay for a copy later (I mean, sooner is better, obviously, but later is okay). Or they’ll write a review. Either way, we’re cool like that.

And as long as I’m giving stuff away, here’s a special deal for you non-Kindleers: if you buy the Kindle version, and you require a different format, leave a comment here and I will personally email you a version for your device, in your preferred format** (almost 100% guaranteed to work). It won’t be instant, but it will provide gratification. And it will retain almost all of the typos I missed in the Kindle version. What can I say? I’m a giver.

So, in summary: buy book, write review, buy as gift, tweet, facebook, put it on your blog, tell all your friends, and most importantly, enjoy.

More updates throughout Spamuary. Thank you for your support.

MIKE the VIKING

*Of a very limited sort. Fame not guaranteed. But still, highly awesome. Come on, it’s an oblique bribe! Do I have to spell it out for you? Yes? I will, I promise.

**Not paper or audio, for Fenris’ sake. 

 

 

 

8 Posted in Novelry, True Story