But, You Guys!  That’s totally not the point!  When I finished scarfing down my food I ate my Obligatory Fortune Cookie. . .

And I got what may well be the GREATEST FORTUNE EVER!

Fuck yeah, it would.

Now that my sister and I are grown and we cook for our own families, we follow the same formula. Not on purpose mind you, we didn’t even realize it. Wife actually pointed it out to me, and I asked Sister. Turns out that she does it too. And when we cook, dinner seems incomplete without the third leg of the dietary tripod.

But on Theme Night the formula goes out the window. Tonight was Far East Adventure Night.² And last night was Mexican Night.³

Tonight I made Sesame Chicken and Soba Noodles. The best part was that it took altogether about ten minutes and no measuring.

For the Soba you just need:

Soy Sauce
Rice Vinegar
Garlic
Sesame Seeds and Sesame Oil
Sliced green onions would be nice but are not so necessary.

Cook the noodles to the package instructions. Rinse. Add the other stuff. Cover. Put in fridge. Eat when cold.

For the Sesame Chicken:

Soy Sauce
Honey
Garlic
Ginger
Sesame Seeds and Sesame Oil
Ground Cinnamon
Ground Clove
Spicy Mustard
Red Pepper Flakes
1 Bag Quorn Chicken (Or real chicken. That’s good, too)

In a large skillet saute the chicken with the garlic until it starts to brown ever so slightly. Turn off heat. Mix all other ingredients together and pour over chicken, mixing until sauce is thickened and all pieces are covered. Serve over rice.

¹ Which I always considered a vegetable, thus making the formula green, starch, green. What a ripoff.
²Chinese night.
³ Mexican night.

Remember when you were a kid and before school you would hide the leftover meatloaf so that when you got home you could indulge in that joy of joys the Meatloaf Sandwich? Me too. The cold meatloaf sandwich is just about the best thing ever.

And yet. And yet I don’t think I’ve had homemade meatloaf since I moved out of my parents house. I have this vague memory of maybe making it once several years ago, but I’m not certain. So of course the more I thought about it the more I knew that I had to have it. But here’s the problem: My household is vegetarian. The Wife is and I am… under protest.

Late last year I had a physical and found out that my cholesterol was at a dangerously high level. I was under the impression that I was healthy and virile and hardy and vigorous. So be warned, the cold hand of death is on your shoulder. (I assume.)

Anyhoo, the vegetarian lifestyle for three months dropped my cholesterol by 30 points. So we’re sticking with it. But that means no meatloaf.  I know there are vegetarian ground beef substitutes out there, but lets face it, they don’t taste like ground beef. They don’t even come close. Despair.

Until, that is, the British arrived on the scene with their amazing fungus meat. I speak of a product named Quorn, and I can honestly say without exaggeration that Quorn has changed my life. It’s a meat substitute that actually tastes and feels like meat. It’s fantastic and it has allowed me to make my dreams a reality. I can make meatloaf. And not just a passable meatloaf. Not even a good meatloaf, but a really fucking fantastic delicious meatloaf. We ate this with wilted spinach with garlic and sesame.

So I called my Ma and got her recipie. Which as it turns out was a slightly modified Joy of Cooking recipe. So here it is meatloaf adapted from my Ma, adapted from The Joy of Cooking.

The great thing about this recipe is that you don’t have to go in order. Just add the ingredients into a bowl and mix.

• 1 lb Quorn Grounds (you could sub actual ground beef here if you wanted. Be crazy)
• Fat¹
• Cilantro, chopped
• ½ small onion, finely grated
• 1 small white potato, coarsely grated
• 1 egg
• 2 cloves garlic, pressed
• 1 T bread crumbs
• lemon juice, salt, pepper
• tomato sauce and ketchup

Mix everything except the tomato sauce and ketchup in a large enough bowl.
Grease your loaf pan (or whatever you’re baking in)
Dump the mix into said greased pan, and form into loaf.
Top with a mix of 2 parts tomato sauce and 1 part ketchup, being sure to coat the sides.
Bake at 350 for 45 minutes

EAT!

ENJOY!

SWOON!

¹The only drawback to Quorn is that it cooks up kinda dry. So to use it in recipes you have to add some fat. I usually use olive oil, but in this case I used coconut oil because at room temperature coconut oil is a solid. I was thinking ahead to a cold meatloaf sandwich and I wanted to be sure it would stay together.²

²It did. And it was the best.