Anger Burger

Somebody’s Grumpy!

Posted by on Jul 5, 2011 at 5:37 pm

I watch a lot of daytime Food Network, so let’s get that little admission out of the way before I progress.  There are shows that I simply, absolutely cannot watch at all, the primary example of these being Down Home with the Neelys. Watching Gina Neely try to pick food up without letting it touch her manicure makes my scalp bleed, and this is before Pat and Gina start their profoundly awkward and honestly kind of inappropriate-for-food PDA routine.

Most other shows I watch with a combination of terror and delight.

You might think I hate Rachel Ray the same way some people hate root canals, but I just don’t.  I don’t feel much of anything about her, to be honest – I find her mannerisms and speech to be occasionally abrasive, but her food seems pretty normal to me.  Er, I guess with the caveat of: of the two recipes of hers that I’ve tried, neither were anything I’d care to repeat.  One was an apple cider beef stew that was almost inedibly sweet, and the other was some kind of potato dish that I only recall as being unnecessarily greasy.

Recently, I became madly infuriated with Giada De Laurentiis.

I started out sort of liking her – all I knew was that she was a professionally trained chef, her crazy bobble-head made me laugh, and she seemed to really eat on TV (unlike Ina Garten – more on that later).  And then all those things turned bad.  Her bobble-head still makes me laugh, but is it just me or does her giant head amplify sound?  Because each time she takes a bite of something and frantically chews it, all I can notice is the damp, loud SMACKSMACKSMACK of her eating.  Then everything went downhill.

The first problem was an episode called “California Sushi” wherein she declares that she’s inviting her girlfriends over for a sushi-making party.  Step 1?  Stopping off at Hamasaku (where sushi rolls cost about $20 each) to buy the pre-made sushi rice.  PRE MADE.  There are so many things about this that are weird, not the least of which is that sushi rice is easy to make.

I can’t find anything to back this up, but there was an episode where she made buttercream frosting and thinned it with water.  WATER.  Oh my god water.

And then, the Le Cordon Bleu episode.  In an episode titled “Cooking School Made Easy”, Giada sets out to make her three favorite things learned from her time at school.  The first, pavlovas, are constructed without drama.  The second I sort of cringed at: a chocolate and cheese danish, made from frozen puff pastry and mini chocolate chips.  I mean, there’s nothing inherently wrong with this, and while I agree that making puff pastry from scratch is a foolish endeavor for a home cook when frozen is so high quality and readily available, something about the mini chip filling rubbed me the wrong way.  Perhaps because if reminiscing about Paris, shouldn’t we be using  Pierre Hermé or Valrhona?

And then she made madelines from cake mix.  Oh haayl no.  Here’s hoping that Le Cordon Bleu Paris just deleted her graduation record from the computers, because bitch, you did not just make a classic French cookie from motherfucking Betty Crocker.

I’m going to calm down a little bit and talk about Ina Garten.  Garten was under fire recently for refusing – twice! – a Make-a-Wish child’s request to cook lunch with her.  As hilariously Cruella de Vil¹ as it is, it’s not what bothers me about her.

The first is a purely cook thing – she cuts her food into pieces far, far too large.  For example, she makes a watermelon and feta salad, and advises cutting both the melon and the cheese into 1-inch cubes; the recipe online instructs to cut the feta to 1/2-inch, but I assure you that on the program she says to cut them both to 1-inch and reinforces it by saying that she loves how the big pieces look.  I can assure you that this is an essentially inedible salad.  Even if you could get a bite each of feta and watermelon into your mouth, the ratio is still insane.  Feta is a strong cheese!  This sort of madness is repeated recipe after recipe – broccoli florets left whole for an Asian salad, the pieces so large they wouldn’t even fit in your mouth – her famous chicken curry salad she cuts into massive cubes, easily larger than 1-inch square, and brags at the luxuriousness of it.

This brings me to the part where she appears to loathe tasting food on television.  It’s such a snarling, swearing pet peeve of mine that I admit to enjoying it.  She barely takes a bite of food, literally as little as she can get away with, and she absolutely will not chew it.  She does this strange sort of lipping to get it into her mouth – she will not open her mouth very wide (oh, hello Giada) and appears to be keeping her lips pulled taught in an effort to keep her teeth from showing.  Through this prissy slit-mouth she’ll take a microbite and then tell you it is delicious.  I’m pretty sure I ate just like this when I had my wisdom teeth removed and my jaw muscles were swollen nearly shut.

Phew. And I didn’t even get to Paula Deen or Sandra Lee.

¹ I think she’s a real iron cunt at her core (I can just tell by the way she pops her shirt collars) but if it makes you feel better she’s famously pro-gay marriage, and has steadfastly always refused to do fundraising in conjunction with the Food Network. I think that if someone doesn’t want to do a Make-a-Wish, they shouldn’t have to and shouldn’t be hunted by the media as a result – there is quite possibly an understandable reason for her not wanting to participate. She claims she didn’t even know about the request. Or she may just hate children. Either way.

Libido is usually overlooked which is considered the taboo to go over buy now viagra The quantity of sperm ejaculated by a male during ejaculation is intimately associated to the best buy viagra In search of the version of Viagra of a womans, one prescription organization is wanting to make an inhaled cheap viagra generic Americans have started purchasing their prescription medicines online from internet pharmacies located buy generic viagra 8. Not Water! Water makes up nearly 75 of your own body! Water has been called the buy viagra generic In the psychological side, the drugs associated with it and also depression cheapest viagra generic One process which has a top success rate with males that are diabetic is the vacuum constriction this buy viagra overnight Have you been one of many hundreds of cheap price viagra Treating andropause with man hormone replacement treatment is safe viagra online buy Dont be enticed to click Unsubscribe links possibly, theyre often fake. And never react to spam either, no buy viagra 100mg
30 Posted in Drama!, Pet Peeves

Lady, Get Your Shit Together

Posted by on Apr 19, 2011 at 11:14 pm

So, Mrs. Meyer’s is doing it again.

As of literally 15 minutes ago, Mrs. Meyer’s launched a free shipping promotion – a great deal, since their products are heavier than lead.  Not to mention that all the stores around here are once again out of the Baby Blossom laundry detergent I use (the dryer sheets are totally discontinued, something I had to confirm with Whole Foods since Mrs. Meyer’s customer service wouldn’t answer my direct question) (see the link above for clarification on what I’m talking about).

Normally I’m not awake this late, but I was checking my email right when the promo notification came through.  Free shipping!  Starts right now!  Great,  I think, I’ll order some laundry detergent and maybe some of the new line of rosemary-scented countertop cleaner – which is not a seasonal product, I should add.  Ooh, and parsley hand soap?  Sounds good.

Guess what?  They’re all listed as “sold out.”

That’s right: within five minutes of a promotion starting AT MIDNIGHT, all the products I’m interested in are sold out.  I sent an email asking them to at least honor a raincheck of free shipping since the site doesn’t allow for backorders, but I’m not feeling very optimistic.

UPDATE 4/20: Customer service writes in this email to me: “We are expecting the majority of our out of stock items to be available by Friday at the latest.”  Meanwhile, at Facebook and at approximately the same time I received my email, they write this: “(…) we’re working hard to get it back in stock, however it may unfortunately be next week before it arrives.”  I interpret this as that they never intended to have it in stock in the first place, but then I always think the worst of people.

UPDATE 4/21: As of right now, the items are back in stock.  Good on Mrs. Meyer’s for making the effort, let’s hope they are prescient enough in the future to have full stocks before launching major online promotions.

8 Posted in Drama!, Pet Peeves

This is the Future

Posted by on Mar 29, 2011 at 8:06 am

A lot of people are concerned about why they don’t yet have a jetpack, and I really only have one thing to say to that.

Where the fuck is my bag of flour that can be opened by a reasonably dexterous human being?  This is after something like 5 or 6 minutes of struggle, carefully pulling and slicing with a paring knife, coaxing, cajoling and easing the flap of paper up that is glued with THE WORLD’S MOST POWERFUL GLUE.  Finally – and as is the case about 50% of the time – I admitted to failure and then tried for tearing it as little as possible.  Which of course immediately tore into a gaping hole in the side of my bag of flour.

Is this where we are?  Is this really where technology has gotten us?  We glue bags of loose flour together so that they cannot actually be opened?  And I appreciate the suggestion, but no, I don’t want to transfer the flour into a bin, what do I look like, The Pioneer Woman?  I’ve got the same amount of pantry space as any other non-millionaire.

This is what the dog thinks of my problems:


21 Posted in Pet Peeves

Why the Food Network Isn’t Trying to Reach Me

Posted by on Feb 28, 2011 at 1:18 pm

It may surprise you to learn that I’m not a fan of food-focused reality TV shows.  I am genuinely distracted at what seem to be arbitrary rules, so that even with the shows I can watch, like Chopped, I find myself more involved in the mechanism of the show than with the actual content.

As with all reality TV, I am profoundly distracted by what I know are coached dramas.  Keeping with the Chopped example, the contestants frequently blurt out personal hardships and dreams in an attempt to garner judge’s favor.  It’s not at all uncommon for an otherwise douchbaggy, competitive moron to suddenly burst into tears while telling a judge about their mother — and I assure you, it is never sincere.   Of course, our favorite thing of all to lose our minds over: judge Scott Conant, who cannot stand the taste of onions¹, dislikes meatballs and doesn’t like black pepper.

And don’t even get me started on how much I can’t watch Bobby Flay, or as Anger Burger friend Aaron put it:

“I’d fight Flay. That guy just seems like a dick.  I always thought the premise of ‘Throwdown’ was real shitty: ‘Hey we want to do a feature on you. Psych! Bobby Flay is here to embarrass you in front of your friends and family.'”

I have to struggle with turning the channel when he’s chosen to compete on Iron Chef America, in all his tantrummy, equipment-smashing glory, and if he ever gets through a competition without insulting, berating or otherwise bullying his sous chef, I’ll eat my hat².

And non-food related reality contest shows?  I can’t watch them at all.  I cannot watch American Idol, not even a minute of it.  So imagine my total shuddering, nightmare-inducing discovery of the new NBC show America’s Next Great Restaurant, the final amalgamation of all things I find terrifying and repugnant about food media.  Bullshit contests!  Lauding of things with negative social and economic values (YOU WIN A CHAIN RESTAURANT, FOR FUCK’S SAKE)!  Bobby Flay!  The CEO of Chipotle, a company recently under fire for “flushing out” all of their illegally employed Mexican kitchen staff!  That Australian guy I don’t actually have a problem with!  And lastly, this terrible ad:

And in case you’re not sure why I hate it, let me adjust it a little to how I normally see this ad on billboards every day:

¹ And who later claimed in an interview that his repeated complaints against onions in the show were  “a misunderstanding about some of the dialogue” as though we’d believe that his near-Hulk-rage was merely a semantics gaffe.
² In preparation for the event, I will construct a hat made  of cookies.

7 Posted in Drama!, Pet Peeves


Posted by on Aug 23, 2010 at 11:23 pm

You guys, I’m sweaty.  I don’t belong in this climate.  It gets over 95° and I basically subsist entirely on frozen grapes and anger.

Part of being angry involves moping around the house during the daytime when I can see how filthy it is, which makes me pretty irate.  Why don’t we have a fucking maid?  Since when do I have principles?

Part of what is really pissing me off lately is this:

Do you have this?  I didn’t used to be like this.  I am disgusted by counter clutter, it drives me nuts (arr, it’s drivin’ me nuts!).  It makes me so angry I didn’t feel like doing a decent job in Photoshop so now the letters are all nuclear retina-searing red.  RAGE!

Anyway, without a pantry I can’t put foods away easily; every food item is carefully stacked and piled into two cabinets.  Moreover, Mike the Nordic Berserker does not like it when he can’t find his snacks because he gets low blood sugar cannot hear Odin’s call.  You laugh (I hope) but it’s no joke, he really will go a whole day without eating and then suddenly have a skull-splitting headache and talk backwards and start getting his flaming crossbolts ready¹.  It started with just the bowl of Lara Bars, but in the last year it has come to be the entire prep table.  So then today I spent a lot of energy trying to wrangle the technical details of making a whole “snack cabinet” but then I blacked out and woke up with frozen yogurt and delivery vegetable korma all over my face.

Is there such thing as an antacid patch?

¹ During one of the last posts Mike said to me “I like how I’ve become the villain of your blog,” which might have been said sarcastically by a normal person, but since Vikings aren’t capable of complex emotional undertones, I’m going to take it at face value.

5 Posted in Pet Peeves

Punishment Cereal

Posted by on Mar 10, 2010 at 7:36 pm

Occasionally, I register my disgust on the internet, like so:

I was so disappointed today when I went to purchase my usual
weekly box of Alpen and discovered the familiar, cheery red and white
box was now a badly-designed dull brown.  Such poor graphic design!  The
photographs of the grains and the color palette look like something from
the 70’s – and not in the happy, Scandinavian way that Alpen looked
before.  I’m not sure what possessed you guys to change the box so
drastically, but I’m sad to see it.


What am I going on about?  Oh, why, just this totally retarded box redesign from my favorite healthy cereal, Alpen:


Please tell me I’m going nuts, because where I’m standing from, this looks like a lovely, sort of retro but pretty delicious-looking cereal that has been transformed into a 1970’s-made-for-TV-movie cereal comprised of mulch, horse hay, compost and owl pellets.

Alpen had this to say in its defense:

Thank you for the email giving us your review of the new Alpen box
design.  We are very sorry you didn’t like the new graphics.

We appreciate receiving our customers’ suggestions and comments about
our products, and we have forwarded your comments about the packaging to
the appropriate department to take under consideration.

Please do not hesitate to contact us if you have any further comments.
We hope you will continue to enjoy our other products in excellent

Kathy Zorn
Technical Services Coordinator
Weetabix North America
Barbara’s Bakery Division

Kathy, I didn’t respond because I don’t want to be the lunatic who keeps emailing you about the Alpen box, but I just want to understand what is happening.  Do you want Alpen to fail?  Was this an act of vengeance?   A spurned lover down in the box design department, perhaps?  Some Republican scheme to torture eaters of hippie cereal?  The last part I’d understand, but in all seriousness, it’s working.  Each time I pour a bowl of Grim Alpen for myself, I think, here’s one bowl of muesli closer to my demise.

The Express Lane: Queue to Madness

Posted by on Feb 8, 2010 at 2:21 pm

Can we briefly discuss the “express” or “15 item limit” lanes at the grocery store?

But first: I used to love the self-checkout lanes.  It was so nice to be able to bag my own groceries and not talk to anyone.  Misanthrope’s dream.   But then I switched to reusable grocery bags¹ and discovered that no self-checkout machines are capable of dealing with your own bag.  The machine preforms seppuku when you set your bag on the shelf, unable to comprehend a world where a 2-ounce discrepancy exists.  Briefly at Ralphs there was an option to check “I’m using my own bags” and that option was deleted when people realized you could add a tiny stolen item to the bag at that point and the machine would ignore it.  After weeks of having to flag down the employees each time to get a machine override I gave up.

There’s a humanist belief that within us each is the capacity to respect one another, and when we all understand this our world will drastically alter.  Violence will stop.  Hunger will stop.  Great minds will work toward ending disease and poverty instead of making themselves richer.

This will never happen, and anyone that has stood in an express lane at the grocery store knows this.

Every single time I ago there are two distinct people:

The cheater is almost always an affluent person in a kind of faux-rush, an absent-minded twat with their car keys in their hand as though a scenario where their car will need to be started without warning is imminent.  They are guaranteed to have about 20 items in their basket.   They will, when the checker asks “Did you find everything ok?” answer sincerely that they did not.  Anecdotal case-in-point: the girl who whined “I looked everywhere for Tapatío hot sauce and I couldn’t find it,” after which the checker sends a bag-boy off to the hot sauce isle to find the giant display of Tapatío.  Meanwhile 400 people in the check-out line grow old and die.

If your blood pressure isn’t raised by the Cheater, then the Indignant Loser will surely do it for you with their passive-aggressive sighing and attempts to assault with mere eye contact.  Occasionally they will talk to you in an effort to gain solidarity, “Can you believe this?” (“Yes.”) and even more awkwardly might scold the checker, “This lane is 15 items or less, right?  Why are you allowing her to be in this line?”

I fall into an amorphous third category wherein I start out as being an Indignant Loser and then once I see other Indignant Losers I lose all my steam and fall into an atheistic funk involving fantasies of secret compounds and gun hoarding.  And in the event that neither of those are in front of me in line, it’s almost certainly some batshit crazy loon buying a single packet of soy cheese slices while paying with a sack of pennies.

I hesitate to offer a solution since I know it won’t be entertained, but here it is: have a lane called a “Luxury Lane,” and that alone will draw off all the people who also rent “Luxury Apartments” that are really just low-quality ant farms with faux-granite countertops and stainless steel fridges.  So, the Cheaters, basically.  This will leave the other lane, which will be renamed the “Budget Lane” to people with only a few items but who actually have their cash out and ready to pay.   You’ll also have to install a simple coin-counting mechanism into the register for the batshit sack-o-pennies, but that’s pretty easy.

Ugh.  Now I have heartburn.

¹The RuMe bags are by far my favorite – they have long handles, long enough to actually hoist over your shoulder even when the bags are full, and they have squared corners and bottoms.  When I first went shopping for reusable bags year before last I was surprised to discover they all had seams on the bottom, which makes the packing of groceries stupidly harder.  It’s seriously like these people have never packed a bag of groceries before in their lives, which now that I think about it they probably haven’t.  The RuMe bags also fold up and seal with velcro, which no one else was doing.  Everyone else either folded up into large, sloppy pockets or had little separate, loose covers, like, I wonder how long it would take to lose them.  Ten minutes?  Five?  AND RuMe makes an extra-large “macro” size so that you can have bags for those awkward toilet paper superpack buying rampages at Target.

0 Posted in Drama!, Pet Peeves

About That Lemon Juice Thing

Posted by on Feb 6, 2010 at 8:26 pm

So there I am, digging through my recipe archives¹, looking for something to do with the rest of my quart of buttermilk when I remember that Smitten Kitchen did a buttermilk cake a while back and off my fingers flew.


Unsurprisingly, the cake is amazing.  It’s perfect.  And as it took 30 minutes to assemble and 30 minutes to bake, an hour after starting I was rewarded with a lovely, fragrant cake that I had little intention of sharing with anyone.


The downside is that the recipe re-fired an old irritation I have for the whole “milk + lemon juice = buttermilk” wives tale.  And it pains me to see Smitten Kitchen trooping along with it — it causes such a hitch in my giddyup to see my beloved bacteria-laden buttermilk impostered so poorly with acidified milk.  You see, milk and lemon juice together does not make buttermilk.  It makes, as mentioned one sentence ago, acidified milk, which is not really the same at all.


A fair comparison is to say that thickening milk with gelatin is the same as making yogurt.  Sure, it looks similar, and all it’s missing is that critical fermentation process.  Additionally, some of the more authentic buttermilks (like Knudsen) add small flecks of butterfat to the milk to boost flavor, making it a lot more like the actual stuff you would theoretically get from the making of butter (hence the name – buttermilk is actually the residue from making butter) (or rather:  used to be, it isn’t any more).  You might even be able to find honest-to-goodness real buttermilk if you have a local dairy representin’ at your farmer’s market.

This isn’t to say that milk and lemon juice together don’t make an interesting product — they do — it’s just that I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t just use buttermilk instead.  An even better substitute would be mixing equal parts plain full-fat yogurt to whole milk, but again, what is this, the Cold War?  Is there a ration on buttermilk?  The stuff keeps forever in the fridge, why not just buy a pint?

Still, that’s life, I guess.  Some people care about human rights.  I care about buttermilk.

(Seriously, this recipe is great.  Go get it.)

¹A pile of print-outs and unlabeled lists of ingredients.

3 Posted in Food Rant, Pet Peeves

Dear Dell: You Make a Decent Laptop, But Your Manners Suck

Posted by on Jan 22, 2010 at 12:31 pm

Quickly, and just to get it out of my system: last year my dad bought me a Dell Studio 14z laptop, a laptop marketed as a “student” model due to budget and lack of an optical drive¹.  Part of the deal with the laptop was that they’d throw in an upgrade to Windows 7 for free when it came out. Let me rephrase that, because that makes it sound too generous on their part.  What is actually the case is that the purchase for the laptop included the Windows 7 OS, but since it was not released yet, existed as a voucher.  Very important difference considering that I was waiting to get a new laptop in an effort to avoid using Vista.

Very long story short: I have been trying for two straight months to get that upgrade, and Dell just won’t send it.  It’s apparently a thing (I refuse to wade through message boards, but my dad did, bless him) where you log in, register your computer and then it’ll never let you back online to order your upgrade.  And you can’t re-register because, well, someone² has already registered that laptop.  I’ve exchanged probably a dozen emails now with Dell trying to get it sorted out, and each of them (even living people!) have answered: just log on to your account… At which point I start screaming I CANNOT LOG INTO THE FUCKING ACCOUNT, THAT IS THE ENTIRE POINT.

Then, this last Monday, I received a phone call at 8am from an unknown number, so I ignored it.  I get a lot of mistake calls, I think because I have a Los Angeles phone number.  15 seconds later the phone rang again, same number, and I briefly thought: perhaps I should answer it.  And then I remembered, no, if someone wants to talk to me they can leave a message like a regular human being.  Also, I was in the middle of dropping my in-laws off at the airport.  I get home and find an email telling me that Dell has made the outrageous effort of trying to call me, but since I didn’t answer our issue is now over.

Oh, fuck it.

All of this is now exacerbated this morning by an additional email warning me that I have until January 31st to get my Windows 7 upgrade and then the free offer will expire.

So, this boring lame post is all me just venting:

Dell, I like this laptop a lot.  It was a good purchase, for the price.  But this thing where you have to complete a mystical quest in order to get a piece of software that was promised?  Insulting.  And I am reporting you to the Attorney General for fraud.


¹ This is supposed to be marketed as portability (which is true, it’s pretty light) but in reality just keeps the costs down.  Which is fine by me.
² You.

***UPDATE  1.27.10***
Well!  I don’t know if it is coincidence (probably), the Attorney General (probably not) or this blog (definitely not), but I received another phone call from Dell at a more reasonable hour, and had a long talk with a gentleman who deleted my previous registration account and sat with me through another registration.  It was successful, and the account shows the software is set to ship on February 10th.  The phone call itself was a positive experience with only a little of that call-center crap (you know: hard to hear, obviously scripted lines).  It doesn’t make up for the stupid experience up until then (anyone with a regular 9-5 job would have never been able to write the emails and make the phone calls I did), but I should technically amend this entire post to say: my problem been, I believe, resolved.  Sort of.  20% resolved.  The other 80% is waiting for the software to actually arrive.

Pet Peeves, Vol. III

Posted by on Dec 30, 2009 at 11:39 pm

You know what time it is… That’s right, it’s time for Ye Olde Anger Burger Pet Peeves!  Sacré bleu!

  • Here is where I rag on some poor unsuspecting, probably kind and generous foodblogger(s) who shall remain unnamed, but are nevertheless morons: those who use the word bakies instead of cookies.  Oh yes.  I wish I were fucking with you.  The term is almost always followed by a sort of down-homey, misspelled tirade ala “if their baked, how come we call then cookies? I call bakies because that what they are!”  First of all (oh my god, there goes my blood pressure), a COOKIE is not named for being COOKED.  It is a derivative from the Dutch word koekie, which means “little cake.”  Secondly (now the heartburn is starting), is the logic flaw: the belief that cookies are baked, not ‘cooked’.  But see, all baked items are cooked, but not all cooked items are baked.  Oh sweet baby FSM, I’m going to have an aneurysm.
  • If you claim anything is “the new bacon” I am giving you fair warning: I will deep fat fry your hand.
  • The degradation of the term “soup.”  Okay, lemme explain myself.  I have long ago lost count of how many times I’d be on Tastespotting or something similar and link to a recipe for “something soup” only to discover it is one of two things: a pile of chunks lightly dressed with broth¹, or a tub of something so thick I’m uncertain if it is served with a knife.²  Who knew I was such a prude when it came to soup?
  • This isn’t really a pet peeve as much as a disgusting anecdote, but it’s ironic so I’m telling it.  So, I was telling my mom about the above pet peeves while we were having lovely cappuccinos at Olympia Coffee cafe in downtown Olympia, and a couple old enough to know better started, well, publicly making out.  I mean it.  The man appeared to be in his late 30’s or early 40’s, very normal, unremarkable, friendly-looking.  And in walks this woman, appears to be around the same age, and she walks over to the man in a kind of weird daze and sits in his lap.  Surprised, my mom and I tried to avert our eyes.  I mean, look: we’re not opposed to a little public affection.  Smooches, hand-holding, it’s all fine.  But this was… lurid.  And they started to just go totally E all over each other, holding each other’s faces, pressing their faces together, stroking shoulders, chests, arms, legs — basically, in alarm my mother and I looked at the barista working but found him instead averting his eyes.  Not that I expected him to do anything, the poor bastard.  Anyway, it was seriously uncomfortable and was stopped only by the completion of the woman’s soy latte.  Thank fucking god.  Lesson: continue to get excellent cappuccinos from Oly Coffee, but bring a loaded water pistol.

¹ Apologies to Miss Swanson for using her as an example, since 99% of the time her soups are of the totally traditional variety, but this one particular recipe and photograph had me laughing pretty hard.
² Of course I’ve lost the example I had for this, but it’s pretty much any lentil or pureed soup anyone has these days – I assure you that most of them can be eaten with a fork.

10 Posted in Pet Peeves