Hi! Anger Burger got an STD and now there are Viagra-type links in every single post back until the beginning of time. At this time we are not sure if there is an easy fix or if we have to manually remove the link from every post, but while we figure it out: don’t click the link if it seems suspicious. We are sorry. I am sure god is punishing us for abandoning you these last 18 months.
Today is the day we celebrate our evil master Sunday, Queen Boss Captain of Angerburger and all things angry and burgery. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll have an Irish Whisky, some espresso, a slice of pizza slathered in Rooster sauce (or as we call it, “red mayo”), a slab of salmon, and a salad the size of your head.
If you don’t get a chance to worship her in person, I have provided this electronized self-portrait for your convenience. Don’t say I never gave you nothin’.
Your friendly neighborhood Viking,
MIKE the VIKING
The day of reckoning is at hand or something. Because I decided that the plan to have the games shipped to us and then re-ship them to you was totally stupid, needlessly complicated, slightly expensive, and pointlessly extra-worky. So, go nut! Or as I meant to type, go nuts!
You can now buy BAD NEIGHBORS directly from the printer (the lovely THE GAMECRAFTER) for $19.99 plus shipping. If you order today, there is good chance your cards will be getting to your house or apartment or squalid van behind the Grocery Outlet 10 days from now.
If you would like a custom FAMILY CARD, hand-drawn by one of us (as mentioned in the previous post), that is your right as loyal citizens of Angerburgeria. You need to get us the info, like the name you want on the card (or else we’ll assign one to you), an appropriate reference photo, and a mailing address.* I will email you about that after I receive some kind of proof that you have purchased the game. (If you don’t have the full game, I’m not sure why you would want one singular family card. Unless you plan to play the solo version of BAD NEIGHBORS, also known as NO NEIGHBORS or GOOD NEIGHBORS. If so, excelsior! May you live long in solitude, you glorious hermit.)
At this time, the dedicated url (BADNEIGHBORS.ORG) is forwarding to the sales page on The Gamecrafter. Some time soon, once I remember how to set up hosting and DNSes etc, you’ll be able to go there to download the quick start guide, read the FAQs, or watch a “let’s play” video. But you’ll probably see most of that here first. Forget I said anything.
I will leave you with the words of George Susan Patton: “War is hell. And if anyone deserves hell, it’s my goddamn neighbors.”
Go forth and give them what’s coming to them.
MIKE the VIKING
*We’ll be printing up spare blank cards to make this happen. Which means the custom-drawn card will arrive some time after the full game. Uh, savor the anticipation.
Starr Wall passed away on January 24th after 8 years of very bothersome chemotherapy. She does not recommend it as a way to go. But she stuck around because she loved the following: snow storms, graphic novels, Kalaloch, Cannon Beach, hobbits, overfeeding the fauna, pho, sushi, fish and chips, coffee, quiche, pork chops, madeleines, soft serve with hot fudge and peanuts, and other foodstuffs. She is sorely missed by her husband Virgil, father Vern, secret lover Legolas, daughters Layla and Sunday, daughterly niece Tina, grand-daughter Allyson, grand-niece Heather, ex-husband Jay, son-out-law Mike, and a whole train car of relatives that you would grow tired of reading the names of. She will be missed most of all by her army of fat, insolent squirrels.
As a co-founder of Babette’s Bakery of downtown Olympia, Starr was known for her world-class granola, irreproducible pear bread, and the mysterious Scottish Oat Cake, neither Scottish nor Cake, but definitely Oat. Prior to baking, Starr was a Registered Nurse. Her advice for any ailment – from heartbreak to head cold – was to take a nice hot shower. It works most of the time.
By Starr’s adamant request, there will be no service. In remembrance, please bake yourself some cookies (any kind but gingersnap), eat them warm with coffee, read a comic book and take a shower.
T’were the busy season at Fig Manor, what with the apocalypse and the other thing. Anyway, the captain has not been making any “new” recipes lately, and she has this thing about not repeating herself. At least, not rehashing old recipes, OLD STANDBYS, much to your chagrin, and mine.
I have been eating the traditional pre-Ragnorak diet of lefse (this looks like a decent recipe, based entirely on the look of that grandmother- report back if you try it) and fudge. You can get the ol’ fudge bog standby here. Oh, and don’t use stainless cookware, because apparently it will “break” the fudge. The one pictured above is the second batch. SCIENCE!
What else? Well, there’s this thing:
GAZE on this work, ye mighty, and DESPAIR. Created by Spidermonkey’s own Wizard Garrett for the annual cthulhumas secret santa. We could not be more tickled.
In bookish news, the publishing of Sunday’s secret not-so-secret novel is 99 &44/100% complete, which is to say: it will be complete once I take one more pass through for proofing’s sake and come up with a cover that is adequate for our purposes. Anyway, SOON.
This is (probably) not the cover of the book:
And! As if that were not enough, there is another GRAND PROJECT in the works. It does not involve much reading at all, but it does involve vampires (both kinds), as well as zombies, aliens, and demons. And, most importantly, VENGEANCE.
Happy whateversday to you all. Try not to get eaten by ice giants.
-MIKE the VIKING
The great secret not-so-secret novel-editing project is proceeding more or less as planned. Thank you all. With your help, we may get this out just in time for the Mayan Apocalypse. I’m as excited as a little Mayan boy with a bowl full of human hearts. Which is to say: very!
A strange formatting error has been unearthed however. One of the ANGRY BOOKERS violated instructions and checked the formatting on an iPhone. While that is upsetting enough, what is worse is that the formatting is apparently IMPERFECT on the loathsome device. I have a hypothesis, though, so if you are cursed with one of those things and would like to help make some science, speak up.
Otherwise, keep your fingernails shorn and your seax sharp.
MIKE the VIKING
me: “I think I eat hummus because I can’t admit just want to be eating raw garlic.”
Coworker: “It is garlic frosting.”
We’ve got the red death here at Fig Manor, so there’s not much cooking going on. Unless you count cooking up some sweet meth from single packet of sudafed we were able to acquire after a rigorous homeland security full body cavity incursion. That means I’m mostly down to eating things I can find in jars. That’s not so bad, because we are the Duke and Duchess of Jars.
Incomplete inventory of things you’ll find in jars at Fig Manor:
- Strawberry Freezer Jam (from our friends in Seattle)
- Chinese crispy hot oil (exactly the thing for pot stickers- this is what they serve you at the dim sum place, except I’m certain that they buy it by the barrel)
- Fried Onion in soybean oil (mild pot-sticker sauce)
- Tung-Chun (Chinese Korean-BBQ sauce) (a dipping sauce with the texture of bbq sauce- would be good on a burger I think)
- Peanut Butter (with palm oil)
- Peanut Butter (without palm oil)
- Hand-picked red huckleberry jam the Captain made (swoon)
- Veganaise (pronounced “vaj-in-ays”) -surprisingly good mock mayo
- Takuan- Smelly Fermented Radish Things
- Kim Chee (several types)
- Manukka Honey (blueberry)
- Shrub (?) :a variety of drinking vinegar (home-made by Jes and Krista)
- Pok-Pok (a drinking vinegar acquired in Portlandia- delicious; some of you are nodding and others of you are having the only sane reaction, which is “vinegar? why on cthulu’s mouldering plaything would anyone use vinegar for anything other than chips?” It doesn’t make sense until you try it, but it’s refreshing. Like lemonade from Planet X.)
- The captain’s own secret recipe unlabeled terriyaki sauce (I think there might be orange juice in it)*
- Home-style sweet pickled beets (to be eaten on the side when having quiche)
- Pickled Jalepenos (obviously)
- Bubbies (a kind of pickle)
- Seville Orange Marmalade (untested; my favorite marmalade was the stuff we made from our Kumquat tree at the Guacamole House- Kumulade or Marmaquat (if you’re proper); if you ever get the chance, your life will never be the same.)
- Strawberry Lavendar Jam (A gift from a friend)
- Bubbies Horseradish (a kind of horseradish, made by the Bubbies company; our bubbies bring all the boys to the yard)
- Salted Peanuts of indeterminate origin
- Tea (black- PG Tips)
- Tea (Prince something-or-other)
- Tea (with chunks of some kind of flowers or fruit, I don’t know)
- Haiga rice (it has germs, but no husks)
- Paint brushes (not edible)
If you’re thinking of reproducing the fig manor kitchen, you know, for a historical re-enactment or something, you’ll need to give that list to the props department. If they aren’t too busy building an animatronic Tank.
*Terriyaki recipe: 1 part soy sauce, 1 part sugar, 1/4 part sake; cook down until thick (the consistency of maple syrup). Make plenty and keep the leftovers in a JAR in the fridge.
Greetings from MIKE the VIKING, amidst the smoldering ruins of Apocalympia. I hope your summer has been full of rapings and meatstuffs, or, for the veg amongst you, gropings and bean curds.
We are well. Which is to say, your trusted captain has developed an inordinate fondness for the bicephalic horror of the F-book and the hipstergram. By Odin’s great unwashed eye-socket, it boils my beard. I suffer as you suffer; the postage of the angers used to brighten my days like the light of a thousand burning englishmen.
It can’t be helped. She’s computing through the smart phone these days. And the purpose of a smart phone is to do dumb things faster. Since the BURGER of ANGER is not dumb, the phone is no help.
It is my fondest wish that the great and wise and cantankerous one will once again take up this heavy mantle, but until that day, I will send to you word of our adventures, perhaps of sackings, perhaps of knittings, certainly of tankings, like postcards from the end of the world.
Coming soon: the jaw-moistening legend of Jjarlepjnir-Maek, as told by MIKE the VIKING
I don’t have much to say about it yet, I’ve only been awake for an hour, but I did already read this opinion piece about Los Angeles that made me literally squirm with glee and pride.