Anger Burger

Bad Neighbors Day

Posted by on Mar 21, 2013 at 1:01 pm

So, it’s totally official. Every one of you angry burgers should come on out to Olympic Cards and Comics and play some Bad Neighbors with us.

SATURDAY MARCH 30 From 11 am- whenever (4 pm?) 4230 Pacific Ave SE  Lacey, WA 98503

Also, the new decks arrived here and the new RARE cards look awesome (see above). Even Roxy is finally looking right. I still have some rare cards to add, if any of you have left a review for Sunday’s book  and would like to be immortalized, leave a comment here and I will email you. Or just email mort at bad neighbors dot org.

“But what if I’m not the reading type?” You ask. Well, that’s okay too. You can review Bad Neighbors at the gamecrafter for the same treatment. Honestly, I love drawing the rare cards, so line ‘em up.

Sunday went on a cooking rampage last weekend. She didn’t take any pictures, though, which is bad news. I would take some pictures now, but photos of leftovers are a one way ticket to the Hell Mutt House. What did she make? Oh, Quiche, Galette, Chocolate Cake Frying Pan Fudge, and Freaking Biscotti.

For those who don’t know, Freaking Biscotti is not the stuff they sell at Costco that breaks your teeth and tastes like mortuary toothpaste. Freaking Biscotti is not robed in chocolate. Freaking Biscotti is full of flavor, and more importantly, nuts. In this case, orange and anise flavors plus hazelnuts. Unbelievable. I will try to find the recipe for you. It’s kind of a long process to make (maybe 2 hours?), but low difficulty and it lasts basically forever* (*as long as it takes to eat). Apocalypse chow!

Until Ragnarok I remain,

Mike the Viking

 

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0 Posted in Bad Neighbors

BAD NEIGHBORS (likely) Launch Party on Tabletop Day

Posted by on Mar 8, 2013 at 8:31 am

The first echelon of BAD NEIGHBORSes has been steadily arriving at homes across the country, and some of you are already enjoying the sweet taste of fresh-squeezed neighbor-juice. Not coincidentally, today I shipped out the first batch of custom cards for the most eager of Angerburgernicans: those who took me up on the offer before they could have possibly known why it was cool. If you made a request and delivered all your whatnots in a timely fashion, your card might be winging its way toward your mansion or subterranean grotto right now. For everyone else, the first batch is visible down yonder (SPOILERS, possibly).

But first! INTERFRAKKINGNATIONAL TABLETOP DAY is coming to your town, the 30th of this month. It’s a day for boardgamers (aka tabletop gamers) to share their love with everybody. I mean, they’re pretty willing to share their love anyway, but this is an excuse for them to be forward about it.

Tabletop Day  is being organized by Will Wheaton and Geek& Sundry. Check in at your local game shop: they’re probably participating. (Hint: don’t mention Monopoly, unless you’re trolling for a dice-and-miniatures-sack-beating. “Games have come a long way since Monopoly” is the party line and it’s true. That’s good news if you’re not into endless, totally luck-based, rage-inducing, table-flipping aneurysm-bait.)

So, you should probably clear your schedule for that day, so you can go out and play BAD NEIGHBORS and other wonderful games.

If you are in the greater OLY/LACEY/South Sound area, you can even come to it does it will be OUR OFFICIAL REAL-LIFE BAD NEIGHBORS GAME RELEASE PARTY. MARCH 30th. More details soon.

UPDATE: THIS IS OFFICIALLY A THING. We’ll be starting at 11am March 30th and be there until 4 pm (depending on how things go). The shop is on Pacific Avenue, directly south of Fred Meyers. Stop by for some hot neighbor-killing action. Or just stop by and say hi.

(Either way, you should visit their store, because Gabi and Eric are super-nice and kind and nothing at all like the guy on the Simpsons. The shop is gigantic, yet friendly and packed to the rafters with goodness. If I had known about this place before, I would have been broke long before now.)

GAME UPDATE: as of about 2 o’clock yesterday any decks you order will have 1 of 5 RARE family members. I bumped ROXY (an original family member) into this pool to make room and because this is the 4th time I’ve had to edit her card. (For some reason, the GAMECRAFTER hates her, and the last printing made her monochrome, like a pageant mom). The other 4 rares were selected by a combination of paybacks and favoritism. If you want to get on that train, it’s not too late.

UPDATE : We received the new sets with the rare cards and they look great. Even Roxy. W00t!

Likewise, if you want a custom card (as shown above), the offer still stands: email me [mort(at)badneighbors(dot)org] proof of purchase (preferably a pic of you playing the game), a reference image, your preferred game alias (such as “raccoonboy”), and address.

FACEBOOK UPDATE: For those of you who like that sort of thing, BAD NEIGHBORS is now on facebook: https://www.facebook.com/badneighborsgame

Dang! Enough with all the reading. Go put your neighbors in the cold cold ground, like I taught ya.

MIKE the VIKING

 

 CUSTOM CARDS! BASK IN THE GLORY!

 

 

5 Posted in Bad Neighbors

BAD NEIGHBORS rare card #1

Posted by on Mar 1, 2013 at 5:10 pm

 

If I know Carrie Anne, she won’t be offended by this depiction of her as a crazy cat lady. If she is, TOO BAD. She can go make her own game and make fun of me. BAD VIKINGS, she’ll call it. (p.s. That sounds pretty fun actually. Hit me up if you need some badass viking art for it.)

This is the first official RARE bad neighbors card and it will be added to the random family set very very soon. Also in line are TINA, NICOLE, AMANDA ANNE, and JOY KITCHEN* (*probably not her real name). If you are on this list, I will try to track you down for a reference photo and your in-game name (you don’t have to use your real name or your own photo). If I fail to track you down, please email me at mort@badneighbors(dot)org.

IMPORTANT: If you want to be on the list of random family cards, what you gotta do is buy & review e galactic mu (Sunday’s Novel) on AMAZON kindle. Which you should do anyway. It’s only the best novel ever published in the english language, according to me.

If you are just joining us from outer space or a hell dimension, up from scratch. It’s fun, easy, and fast. Great for killing time at a bar or in the privacy of your own walled compound. It’s what they refer to as a “casual” game, meaning that you don’t need an advanced understanding of statistics, probability, or string theory to play it. Also, it fits in a standard coat pocket.

The most common question so far is this: IS IT FAMILY FRIENDLY? Well, that depends on your family. There are cartoon boobies in it. As well as light references to the Cthulhu mythos. If your children are cool with doodled demonic sweater yams and unfathomable dread, then they’re going to love it. None of the children we’ve tested it on have shown any signs of long-term emotional scarring.*

The current edition comes with a blank family card so that you can add your own family member or enemy. Those who are kind enough to order the game and leave a comment here will also be receiving a custom family card, hand drawn by me or Sunday. We will start on that when we get our set of blank family cards in the mail. This offer is limited to 52 cards, minus the ones we mess up.**

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT. May all your neighbors be torn asunder.

MIKE the VIKING

 

*Although Taiyo was not all that keen on KENNY. Go figure.  

**Custom drawings don’t have the luxury of light tables or photoshop. 

 

 

14 Posted in Bad Neighbors

BAD NEIGHBORS is go!

Posted by on Feb 22, 2013 at 9:29 am

The day of reckoning is at hand or something. Because I decided that the plan to have the games shipped to us and then re-ship them to you was totally stupid, needlessly complicated, slightly expensive, and pointlessly extra-worky. So, go nut! Or as I meant to type, go nuts!

You can now buy BAD NEIGHBORS directly from the printer (the lovely THE GAMECRAFTER) for $19.99 plus shipping. If you order today, there is good chance your cards will be getting to your house or apartment or squalid van behind the Grocery Outlet 10 days from now.

If you would like a custom FAMILY CARD, hand-drawn by one of us (as mentioned in the previous post), that is your right as loyal citizens of Angerburgeria. You need to get us the info, like the name you want on the card (or else we’ll assign one to you), an appropriate reference photo, and a mailing address.* I will email you about that after I receive some kind of proof that you have purchased the game. (If you don’t have the full game, I’m not sure why you would want one singular family card. Unless you plan to play the solo version of BAD NEIGHBORS, also known as NO NEIGHBORS or GOOD NEIGHBORS. If so, excelsior! May you live long in solitude, you glorious hermit.)

At this time, the dedicated url (BADNEIGHBORS.ORG) is forwarding to the sales page on The Gamecrafter. Some time soon, once I remember how to set up hosting and DNSes etc, you’ll be able to go there to download the quick start guide, read the FAQs, or watch a “let’s play” video. But you’ll probably see most of that here first. Forget I said anything.

I will leave you with the words of George Susan Patton: “War is hell. And if anyone deserves hell, it’s my goddamn neighbors.”

Go forth and give them what’s coming to them.

MIKE the VIKING

*We’ll be printing up spare blank cards to make this happen. Which means the custom-drawn card will arrive some time after the full game. Uh, savor the anticipation.

It’s (almost)neighboring time!

Posted by on Feb 20, 2013 at 3:18 pm

The proof of the 1st edition of BAD NEIGHBORS came yesterday (antlers not included). It looks awesome. As you might be able to tell from the above pixels, we tooled up the art, added color to the draw cards, and hand-lettered all the card text. So as I write this, we are moments (days) away from being able to sell it to you and all your friends and family and enemies.

Soon you will be able to order it directly from us (yay!) or from the printer, The GameCrafter (also yay!). There will be some special perks for Anger Burgerenos who order directly, not because we love doing extra work, but because we love you. Either way, the price will be $20 plus shipping. (We’d make it cheaper if we could but that’s not really possible without laying out a bunch of up-front cash).  Anyway, twenty bucks is cheaper than a movie, and the game is a hell-of-a-lot more entertaining and you don’t have to deal with people eating cellophane or kicking your seat.

PERKS:

Perk ichi: We are still working on the quick-start (QS) guide. The game is STUPIDLY easy to play, but since it doesn’t follow the same rules of any other game EVER (at least any that I’ve played), it usually takes people a couple of turns (not games, just around the table) to get it. There are instruction cards included, but those are mostly for clarification. The best way to learn is by jumping in. The QS guide should help you with that. Unfortunately, due to the limitations of the printer, we can’t ship it from them without jacking up the price significantly. Since the QS is only necessary for the first playthrough in a house, we’re going to print it ourselves and jam it in with the games we personally handle. We’ll also post it somewhere for downloads, which is maybe better, because, you know, trees, man.

Perk numero dos: In the game, family cards act as a kind of scoring mechanism (i.e. health). You’ll understand when you play it. For this edition we printed a blank family card. Why? So that we/you could customize it with a member of your very own ACTUAL family. If you order it from the printer, you will have to DIY (fun). Use a sharpie so that it doesn’t rub off. HOWEVER, if you order it from us, one of the actual game-makers (the Captain or the Viking) will customize it with a caricature of YOU or your LOVED ONE or FRIEND or ENEMY or PET, or not, your choice.*

If you leave a comment on this post, I will add you to the mailing list of people that will be the very first to know, seconds after we figure out how to make a pay-pal order form and BAD NEIGHBORS officially goes on sale.

FINALLY:

On an unrelated note, thanks to everyone who bought Sunday’s book so far. Special thanks to Carrie Anne who took the time to post a review on AMAZON. I hate to beg, but if you like the book, even if you haven’t finished it yet, we need more reviews. They don’t need to be long or in depth. One-liners are fine, too. Please please please. It helps.

Oh, you’re waiting for that immortality I promised? OK.

Do you know who HONUS WAGNER is? Well if you do, it’s probably because he’s the face of the most valuable baseball card of all time. If you post a review of e galactic mu (and let us know about it here on AB)  you will join Carrie Anne for a chance to be the Honus Wagner of the 21st century. I will be adding a special random Family Card to the next edition of BAD NEIGHBORS. When someone orders a deck, they will receive one of these rare cards. The cards are selected at random from a pool- so the more reviews we get, the bigger that pool, the rarer an individual card is, and (counter-intuitively) the better chance that your card will be selling at auction in the year 2113 for a like 1.5 billion bars of latinum (or whatever currency people are using at the time). FAME!**

This is what a family card looks like (only without a border and with rounded corners):

 

Wishing you bountiful plunder and gallons of mead, it is I, MORT the VIKING

 

 *Since it’s pretty time-consuming, we will only be able to offer this for a limited number of orders, so, you know, act fast. Your satisfaction with the attractiveness of the drawing is not guaranteed.

**By the way, it doesn’t have to be you, you can request someone else to be on the card, just post your book review, leave me a comment (preferably on the previous post) and I’ll parley with you on the details. I can’t do an unlimited amount of these but I don’t have a magic number yet– I will post a note when the pool is closed.

 

10 Posted in Bad Neighbors

Any happy little thought

Posted by on Feb 1, 2013 at 6:01 am

In the tradition of this horrible universe, you often get good news with bad news. And vice-versa. So it goes.

Today we announce the long-anticipated, public, available on AMAZON, kindle publication of Sunday’s novel, e galactic mu.

The author.

That’s right, this is a thing. And you can read it. And goddamn it, you should. Our lovely captain put untold hours into crafting a lovely and hilarious story with memorable characters. And I put in no small effort myself, editing and winnowing and replacing dumb quote marks and fixing italic tags all that. And you helped!

Here is a quote from the book:

Now, everyone knows that the bloatshark towers had never failed around Birch Bay, and that even the pier itself had electro-static wire thatching, but no one wanted to be at the end of that pier. No one wants to be the one that sits at the very front of the plane, either: out of some optimistic fantasy that if the plane were to crash, the tail end would remain intact. The Captain Reverend seemed to think that it was all a part of his lot in life, even though he could move his boat at any time. Anyone who had been on the pier longer than a few days knew the Captain’s motto: “Better to be eaten by bloatsharks than have to socialize with you goddamn Mongoloid assholes.”

That is now my motto. I mean, my old motto was pretty similar, but I like this one better. The book is full of wisdom like this, suitable for personal enrichment and/or epitaphs. Also, flying sharks! Hello!

All that is to say, go buy the book. If you don’t have a kindle, get the app for your mammy-rammin’ iphone or itab or idesk or itampon or whatever. And/or buy it as a gift. It is not overly sexual, but does contain scenes of humping. For just $3, it’s a gift that says you’re thoughtful AND frugal AND like humping. Happy Valentines!

Part B of your mission (after you buy the book), is to write a review on Amazon. It does not have to be a long review. It does not have to be a five-star review (though, if you actually read the book, it probably will be). It does not even have to be a positive review. Reviews are gold, and our hope is that people beyond our precious circle of loyal Burgerians will get to enjoy this book. Drop us a comment here after you post a review (so we can high-five you). If you do that, you will be eligible for a possibly immoral special payola-like tribute that will confer IMMORTALITY* and/or FAME. What could be better than that?

That reminds me. I disabled DRM on the thing, so you can share it up. More than anything, we want people reading it. If they like it, maybe they’ll feel guilty and pay for a copy later (I mean, sooner is better, obviously, but later is okay). Or they’ll write a review. Either way, we’re cool like that.

And as long as I’m giving stuff away, here’s a special deal for you non-Kindleers: if you buy the Kindle version, and you require a different format, leave a comment here and I will personally email you a version for your device, in your preferred format** (almost 100% guaranteed to work). It won’t be instant, but it will provide gratification. And it will retain almost all of the typos I missed in the Kindle version. What can I say? I’m a giver.

So, in summary: buy book, write review, buy as gift, tweet, facebook, put it on your blog, tell all your friends, and most importantly, enjoy.

More updates throughout Spamuary. Thank you for your support.

MIKE the VIKING

*Of a very limited sort. Fame not guaranteed. But still, highly awesome. Come on, it’s an oblique bribe! Do I have to spell it out for you? Yes? I will, I promise.

**Not paper or audio, for Fenris’ sake. 

 

 

 

8 Posted in Novelry, True Story

My Mom Died

Posted by on Jan 29, 2013 at 7:28 pm

Starr Wall passed away on January 24th after 8 years of very bothersome chemotherapy. She does not recommend it as a way to go. But she stuck around because she loved the following: snow storms, graphic novels, Kalaloch, Cannon Beach, hobbits, overfeeding the fauna, pho, sushi, fish and chips, coffee, quiche, pork chops, madeleines, soft serve with hot fudge and peanuts, and other foodstuffs. She is sorely missed by her husband Virgil, father Vern, secret lover Legolas, daughters Layla and Sunday, daughterly niece Tina, grand-daughter Allyson, grand-niece Heather, ex-husband Jay, son-out-law Mike, and a whole train car of relatives that you would grow tired of reading the names of. She will be missed most of all by her army of fat, insolent squirrels.

As a co-founder of Babette’s Bakery of downtown Olympia, Starr was known for her world-class granola, irreproducible pear bread, and the mysterious Scottish Oat Cake, neither Scottish nor Cake, but definitely Oat. Prior to baking, Starr was a Registered Nurse. Her advice for any ailment – from heartbreak to head cold – was to take a nice hot shower. It works most of the time.

By Starr’s adamant request, there will be no service. In remembrance, please bake yourself some cookies (any kind but gingersnap), eat them warm with coffee, read a comic book and take a shower.

53 Posted in Uncategorized

Galactic Almost

Posted by on Jan 18, 2013 at 2:48 pm

 

Feast your eyes on the new cover art for E Galactic Mu, coming soon to Amazon Kindle. How soon? Days. The last hurdle is the cover image for the store and it is 99.94% done. Exciting times, Burgerians! The next step is final sign-off from the lady herself and we will be putting it up. Normally I’d say keep your pants on, but you might want to start taking them off now, in anticipation.

Excelsior!

MIKE the VIKING

 

 

7 Posted in Novelry

It’s Neighborin’ Time

Posted by on Jan 8, 2013 at 4:09 pm

 

The captain and I have been secretly working on a tabletop card-game OF OUR OWN INVENTION for the past few months. It is called “Bad Neighbors” and is thematically centered around murderating your neighbors before they do the same to you.* It’s fun to play and easy to learn- we designed it with the idea that you should be able to pick it up and play after already having consumed adult beverages. A game between two people takes about 10 minutes; up to 5 people can play at once.

Yesterday we got the first real print of it (beta version 1.o) in the mail and it looks boss (see above: photo by the CAPTAIN).

Having already tested it in the rough stage (with the help of some enthusiastic friends), we’re moving on to test phase 2, where we answer the question: can people figure this out without us coaching them, using only the included instructions?

In the meantime, we’ll be moving forward with cleaning up some errors and finalizing the art. Did I mention there are more than 69 unique pieces of art in the game, hand-drawn by SUNDAY and myself (MIKE the VIKING)? Pret-ty awe-some. The actual art is less blurry than the above photo.

 

 

Like so.

The game will be up for sale once we solve the instructions issue and decide exactly how to print it. We will either be using THE GAMECRAFTER (a kickass indie-game print-on-demand service; this is where we made the beta deck) or traditional printing (supported by a kickstarter, most likely). There are pluses and minuses to each.

We’re taking volunteers for beta testers (local is best). Drop a comment if interested. Or if you want to be on the “I will totally buy this thing as soon as you start taking moneys” list. Otherwise, stay tuned.

Until Ragnarok, I remain:

MIKE the VIKING

*using vampires, zombies, aliens, and demons. we like to keep our murderizing clean and classylike. 

 

 

 

 

FUDGE YOU and your little dog too

Posted by on Dec 23, 2012 at 9:50 pm

 

T’were the busy season at Fig Manor, what with the apocalypse and the other thing. Anyway, the captain has not been making any “new” recipes lately, and she has this thing about not repeating herself. At least, not rehashing old recipes, OLD STANDBYS, much to your chagrin, and mine.

I have been eating the traditional pre-Ragnorak diet of lefse (this looks like a decent recipe, based entirely on the look of that grandmother- report back if you try it)  and fudge. You can get the ol’ fudge bog standby here. Oh, and don’t use stainless cookware, because apparently it will “break” the fudge. The one pictured above is the second batch. SCIENCE!

What else? Well, there’s this thing:

 

GAZE on this work, ye mighty, and DESPAIR. Created by Spidermonkey’s own Wizard Garrett for the annual cthulhumas secret santa. We could not be more tickled.

In bookish news, the publishing of Sunday’s secret not-so-secret novel is 99 &44/100% complete, which is to say: it will be complete once I take one more pass through for proofing’s sake and come up with a cover that is adequate for our purposes. Anyway, SOON.

This is (probably) not the cover of the book:

 

And! As if that were not enough, there is another GRAND PROJECT in the works. It does not involve much reading at all, but it does involve vampires (both kinds), as well as zombies, aliens, and demons. And, most importantly, VENGEANCE.

Happy whateversday to you all. Try not to get eaten by ice giants.

-MIKE the VIKING

 

 

 

 

 

5 Posted in Novelry, Uncategorized